Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I'm Tired

I wanted to come up with something witty or interesting to talk about in today’s blog….but I don’t have the energy.

So all I can tell you today is…I’m tired.

Since the beginning of the year I have been on a mission to improve my billable hours. I’m trying to “fit in” amongst my partners, partners who while I leave at 4:30 every day to pick up my kids, are working until 6 or 7. I want to show them that yes, I have chosen to always put my family first no matter what cost, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to hold my own in our firm.

But the problem is, just as determined as I am to prove myself at work, I am even more determined to be an excellent mother and wife. Because of this I have had to work nearly every night since the beginning of the year. After I put my kids to bed I sit down and work until midnight or 1:00 a.m. and then head off to sleep for a few hours.

Working hard is nothing new to me, so yes I have been tired before, but my circumstances now make being tired much harder. I remember the days in law school before finals. Sure I would have to pull all- nighters to study for my tests, but after I turned in my test I’d head for my apartment, climb under my blanket, and sleep till Tuesday. I laugh now thinking that getting up early on the weekends meant getting up at 10. Now Saturday mornings start with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at 7:00 a.m., and by 10 we’ve already been to the Children’s Museum for two hours and are heading to do something else fun.

As a Mom, we are not given the luxury of being tired. When I come home from work, I am drained from a hard day and the drama that goes along with a law firm. But when I come in instead of meeting my pillow, I meet 2 kids at the door jumping up and down and one baby squealing, ready to see me. Three kids who expect me to share the same excitement they have that now I am home and we can play.

So I shelve my tiredness and play with my kids. Honestly, I love it so much that I really don’t notice how tired I am until after they go to bed. Then as I yawn, I pull out my work and start working.

And as most Moms know who have very young children, the problem with staying up late is that by the time we do go to bed, one of the kids is bound to get up. Luckily I am blessed that L sleeps through the night consistently, but I have had plenty of occasions of hitting the pillow only to get up a minute later with a bad dream or potty break.

Surprisingly Mondays are the day I am the most tired. This may seem backward, but my weekends are anything but relaxing. I spend my weekend doing all the things I did not have time to accomplish during the week. I think I actually run more during the weekend than I do during the week.

The problem is there really is no cure for my exhaustion. I usually try and sleep in on the weekends, but even if my husband agrees to let me sleep in, my children will find their way up to me by 7:30 a.m. I hear the sound of size 8 toddler feet running across my wood floor and hear H (my usual alarm clock) yell… “Mommy, its wake up time…look the sun is up (as he pulls up my blinds)!”. See I’m the activity planner for my children on the weekends and so they expect me to wake up with a fabulous adventure cooked up. Sleeping in apparently is not part of that adventure. My husband tells me to ignore my “alarm clocks” but how can you ignore a cute little boy saying: “Come on Mom, don’t-cha wanna eat Lucky Charms with me!”

For the most part I think I handle my crazy schedule quite well. I am a night person by nature so late nights don’t really bother me. And I’m pretty good at hiding my tiredness from the world. But every now and then I just get tired. Then, much to my dismay, I have to hang up my SuperMom cape and just accept that I am human. I hate this feeling because it’s yet another reminder that no matter how hard I try, I can’t do it all.

So, for all you tired Mommies out there…hang in there, learn to like the taste of energy drinks, and pray that our kids will quickly learn that there is nothing fun to do until about 9:00 a.m.! For me, I guess I only have 18 more years before the kids are out of the house and I can finally get some sleep. But I guess by then I’ll miss them so much I probably won’t want to sleep!


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