Wednesday, October 12, 2011

the Paradox of life

The birthday countdown has begun, and the clock is going to run me over!  If you will remember, several weeks ago I was discussing my birthday party/Halloween party dilemma.  Back then, I had a plan for both kid's parties - Phineas and Ferb for B, Butterflies for H.  Within about one week I was able to gather almost everything needed for the parties: theme plates, cups, decorations, invitations - the only thing I don't have is the balloons and I know where I am going to get them.  I am READY!  Unfortunately, though, I haven't been able to find the time to actually sit down and fill out the invitations- so now I have two great parties planned for nobody!  Since mid-September, I have been telling myself and my kids that "This weekend, we are going to sit down and do these invitations,"... "tomorrow we are going to sit down and do these invitations," ..."THIS weekend we are going to sit down and do these invitations" and last night, at about 9 p.m. driving home from Cub Scouts, again I remember that the invitations are NOT done and "Tomorrow we are sitting down and doing these invitations!"

It seems that my life is a lot of extensive pre-planning followed by a lot of dead time followed by an anxious scramble to get everything ready! That happens often in my practice - right after a hearing, I'm all over it - preparing arguments, documents, etc. for the next time- followed by a lengthy period of other things taking priority - followed by abject panic that I've got a hearing coming up, no subpoenas issued and I've forgotten everything that I prepared before.  Not a great system, but there it is.

I think it has something to do with the fact that I am not intrinsically an ultra-organized person.  Honestly, I'm really more laissez-faire - don't bug me and I'll get to it when I get to it.  At college, my dorm room was atrocious.  I was able to drop everything and do something else, could spend an entire day cleaning a mess that took two weeks to make, could go to class or not...

Once real-life hit (with the kids, really) I had to purposefully change this trait. With kids, you HAVE to be organized - you have to have everything in your diaper bag, there can't be left-over pizza boxes on the floor, you have to be on time to stuff.  I do an okay job I think, but it doesn't come naturally.  In the morning, Steve is up with the alarm, rustling kids out of bed and getting breakfast, while I'm buried under the covers begging for 10 more minutes.  I make the kids' lunches the night before, but then forget to give them to them to take to school...I plan a big party, then forget to send out the invitations!  I am a work in progress, that's for sure.

Funny story:  I feel like every day I am running at top speed - getting kids to school, working -often driving around- soccer, Cub Scouts, Brownies - laundry, cooking dinners, cleaning... it seems endless and exhausting to me.  The other day, H brought home a picture she drew of our family.  There were three little people standing vertically, and one horizontally.  I asked H who was who. I was the one "laying down" because "I always like to be in bed!"  I was like "what?!"  Because I knew she said the same thing to her teacher.  I feel like I never even get to sit down for 10 minutes at a time, and she says I'm always in bed...WHAT?  She looked at me like "am I wrong, here?" and looked so concerned that she had said or done something wrong that I started thinking... you know, she's right. When I am not running around and doing everything that I have to do, I AM in my bed. Reading, playing with the kids, watching TV, relaxing.  If I'm in the rest of the house, I  feel the need to clean, pick up,etc.  When I'm in my room, even if the kids are there, too, I can relax.  She's right! I LOVE MY BED!!  I want it now, but I have to go to court in one county, then drive an hour to court in another county, then drive to the city to get groceries, THEN get home and do those darn invitations! Have a great day everyone!!


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