Monday, January 10, 2011

Why Am I So Afraid?

To start this week off, I was all set to write about my New Year's resolutions, but I had a strange moment in the middle of my daughters' winter dance show, that I just needed to write about.  Plus, let's be honest, I have already put off most of my resolutions, so putting off writing about them for another post is pretty much par for the course.  But I digress....

As a proud mommy, sitting in the high school auditorium with her camera ready and making sure that her hubby had fully charged the video camera, I was prepping for my daughters' utterly adorable dance.  But since their group was 8th in the lineup, I sat through cute performances by other kids in their dance "studio".  But then, a performance was announced that made me stop.  It was the "Dance Mom's Dance" (dancing to Jock Jams). 

This is a special class open to any mom whose child is in dance.  From the looks of the size of the class, approximately 25 to 30 moms chose to participate.  And they looked like they were having fun, as they wore football jerseys and black yoga pants.  And of course, at this point, my hubby and my dad asked me "why aren't you up there?" 

As I sat there watching these moms, I didn't have a great answer.  It was one night a week for 6 weeks, at a time I could attend (6:45 to 7:30 PM), and close to home.  Plus, watching the dance moves and ability of some of the moms on stage, I think I could do that.  (FYI - I have been practicing my dance moves with the girls by playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii! - Ha!).  Why couldn't I have taken this time out for some "me" time?  My kids would have been ok for less than 1 hour a week without me, and my hubby would have supported me.  So what was holding me back?

I was scared.  Yes, at 32 years old, I would have felt like the new kid in junior high asking to sit at the cool kids' table.  The ironic/funny thing is, in my work life, I have absolutely no trouble giving presentations to senior management, running meetings with outside business partners, or managing team members.  In fact, most of my job depends on my abilities to mediate difficult situations, give presentations, and, basically, be a leader for my team. 

So, I quickly whispered to my hubby, "this is why I need my best friend to live closer."  And he just smiled and nodded.  Because he understood how I felt the night we went to dance pictures. The stay-at-home moms huddled in a group, talking and laughing; sharing plans to meet for coffee and  play dates, and there I was, still in my dress clothes from work, trying to get my girls' hair up and shoes on, as I had just rushed from a late meeting at the office.  (And yes, I am a little jealous of stay at home moms :)!)

But as I sit here and write this tonight, I still wonder why I am so scared.  And, yes, many of you can dive into childhood insecurities, but for the most part, I don't have many bad memories from growing up.  Maybe joining a new group should be another New Year's resolution? 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Jean Anne      

1 comment:

  1. Maybe the sledding incident totally threw you off kilter. Just kidding. The great thing about being in your 30s, though, is that you can more clearly see people in their 20s and younger who do not know themselves, and you remember what that feels like, and you (and I mean YOU, JA) can turn to yourself and say, "I know myself, and I want to dance. And damn it, I'm gonna dance!"