The last couple of years, I have started to "hit the stride" of my life. You know, the point in your life when you feel you have a handle on things. A point in your life, when everything just seems to fall in place. A point where you exhale a lot more and finally feel that famous C-word...CONTROL .
From the outside looking in, it may appear as though I'm incredibly independent. My Mom (who due to her role in my life has always been my number one cheerleader), always says to me "I don't know how YOU do it Mandi, YOU do it all". I think this is the typical working Mom stereotype. I fall into it too...I'll see a working Mom, who seems to balance everything perfectly, and I'll think, Wow she's superwoman... SHE can do it all.
But I learned a huge lesson recently...things are NEVER exactly what they seem.
This past month, my bad luck assistant streak continued and I found myself once again starting with a new assistant. My former assistant gave me her notice and told me she was leaving the area, and like an old familiar song, I was back to the drawing board attempting to find another assistant.
My new assistant started. I sat her down and explained to her that I am a super organized person, I like my files organized, and due to my insane schedule of work commitments and personal commitments I need her to step in and diary our files, remind me of deadlines, etc. I basically gave her my typical "Welcome to the craziness" speech.
As she started I assumed it would be a smooth transition. After all, there never seemed to be any problems with my last assistant, and things seemed to be taken care of. I wasn't far behind on work and in fact because my case had settled my October was wide open to allow for a smooth transition. I was confident that all would be just fine.
So much to my surprise one day while I was in a deposition, I checked my iPhone and found a message from our office manager that she needed to talk to me about something. I walked into my firm and to my surprise, another assistant and my assistant looked very frazzled. I walked passed them into our office manager's office. "Things are bad, did you realize what was waiting there for your assistant?".
I hate to admit it, for it makes me sound absolutely clueless, but I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean come on...my world is organized, controlled...right? I headed back over to my assistant's desk to find it completely destroyed...files everywhere, stacks of papers galore. It seriously looked like a scene straight out of Hoarders.
My assistant explained that as she was making herself at home in her new cubicle, and every time she moved something she found more and more stacks of paper. Filing from earlier in the year, to-do emails that she didn't know if they had been done, etc. etc. Looking around the mess, I suddenly felt like someone ripped me out of a deep sleep and thrust me into reality. What the hell was happening here? How could all of this stuff be here and I never knew?
It's hard to put in words how I felt those next weeks, but it was a mixture of feeling like I had been duped and sheer panic. Emails upon emails of "Do this please" or "Follow up please" that were never done. I started to literally get sick to my stomach each time my new assistant walked in with another "Here's another pile we have to go through". I felt completely out of control, overwhelmed, and incredibly stressed.
Luckily I have a lot of great friends at my firm that agreed to step in and help clean up the mess. The dust settled and my new assistant got everything taken care of. Suddenly my world started to balance itself again.
Going through this experience reminded me that although my life may seem to be in control, I live in a house of cards. The fact is I rely so heavily upon people, that they support me and make my life appear to be what it is. And because I am so busy, I don't have time to micromanage each of my cards and so my life depends on whether are not they are holding up their end of the bargain. That's a scary position to be in, but one I think a lot of working Moms deal with. I, like so many other working Moms, rely on people more than I even realize. And if one of these people fail me, my whole world has a risk of collapsing from underneath me.
So next time you see a "SuperMom" and you wonder how she is able to do it all, remember that there is so much more going on behind the scenes.She isn't doing it on her own...she has support all around her, support she relies on to keep her world in harmony. Support that unfortunately could let her down. And if you are the one trying to be the SuperMom, remember from time to time to thank your "cards" for supporting your world and helping you fool the world that YOU can do it all.
Mandi
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Monday, November 7, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Entourage
This weekend totally rocked….literally.
As you know from last Monday’s post, my daughter J turned 5 years old last week. Earlier this year, she asked for a Rockstar party. I happily agreed, as planning my kids' birthday parties is one of my favorite things. I go big and try to give my kids parties they will always remember.
I sat down earlier this spring and asked J to give me her list of “wants” for her party. As she sat there dreaming up big plans, I prayed she didn't want Jello Jigglers again as I was in agony last year trying to make dozens of jello shoes for her Barbie party (why aren't they as easy as the commercial makes them out to be??). Sure enough, J did not ask for jigglers. Rather, she had but one request: “I want everyone to dress up…and I will be Lady Gaga”.
So, at L’s birthday party in May I sat down with my family and friends and told them J’s big rock star plans. Without hesitation, everyone got excited: “Ooh I’ll be Katy Perry, because J loves Katy”, “I can be Madonna”….one by one our family and friends started planning how to meet my daughter’s desires.
I then started the process of getting our Rockstar Lounge ready. I wanted to make sure my little Diva had a true Rockstar palace. Because I am short on time, I spent about a week, each night moving furniture out of house and transforming our house into a place fit for a Diva. Although it was time consuming, every morning when J would wake up to see what I had done the night before, her smile and excitement instantly made it worth it. 
So this weekend our house was filled with the likes of Madonna, Brett Michaels, Tiffany, ZZ Top, Flea, Justin Bieber, Kiss, Katy Perry, Eminem, Axel Rose, Barenaked Ladies, and Reba McEntire. J got her wish of a rockstar party for sure! During cake time, J wanted her rockstar crew to stand behind her. I, armed with my camera of course, snapped pictures as everyone sang “Happy Birthday”. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched the group of people behind my daughter, the people that went out of their way to give J the best Rockstar bash in the world.
The party reminded me that it truly does take a village, or shall I say entourage, to raise a child. From my fabulous neighbor who painted her family’s faces (including her nearly 1 year old) and rocked out Kiss in 90 degree weather, to my best friend who always gets a hotel room so we can stay up late and truly celebrate, to my Mom who drove an hour to spend the day cleaning my house for the party while I worked, to my sister in law who came head to toe dressed up as Katy Perry because J loves Katy, to my brother who is not the dressing up kind but rocked Eminem (including arms full of tattoos), to my friend that made J amazing rockstar cakes, everyone came together to make one girl feel like a true Rockstar.
It’s times like these where I truly see how much support I have in my life, the posse that allows me to be the Mom I want to be, with the time (or lack there of) life has handed me. It’s truly amazing to see the love my family and friends have for my family. I know J will probably not remember the giant J I made out of cds on our windows, or the walk of fame I made in front of our house; but I have no doubt she will never forget the people who love and support her. Little Miss Gaga has quite the entourage by the age of 5…and I hope she never takes that for granted. I know I never will.
So, to quote the famous song, for those who rocked it out to make my daughter truly celebrate her birthday….WE SALUTE YOU!
Mandi
Friday, November 5, 2010
Baby Blessings
On Wednesday, my nephew experienced a miracle. At 10:17 a.m. he and his girlfriend welcomed a beautiful baby girl. And she is perfect in every way. She has gorgeous clear skin, blue eyes and just a ring of light fuzzy hair. She’s a good size and she has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. The only problem is, she isn’t perfectly healthy.
Little LA (her initials) was born with a two chambered heart. My nephew (B) and his girlfriend (J) knew that LA would be born with a heart defect. They did not know, however, how severe the heart defect would be. They were told there was a possibility that LA would have to be rushed into surgery immediately upon birth and that she would need a series of open heart surgeries throughout her life. And B and J were presented with the decision of whether they wanted to keep the baby.
The decision to abort a baby is a huge one, no matter the circumstance. I personally am pro-life and believe that abortion is never a choice no matter the circumstances. But I also know that my view is not universally shared. And B and J were in a tough position. B and J had only known each other a few weeks when J got pregnant. They are young (in their mid-twenties) and both have respectable but low paying jobs. B was far away from family, and their support group was small. Having a baby was going to be hard enough. Having a baby with heart problems requiring multiple surgeries over the course of years. . . .well, you could see how someone who doesn’t share my view on abortion might have a decision to make.
But despite their personal struggles, B and J never waivered on their decision to have little LA. To my knowledge, they never considered abortion and they publicly put their trust in God to help them through this challenge. And God responded. Upon learning of B’s situation, B’s employer gave him a raise – and health insurance coverage. J found a place for the three of them to live, and got it all prepared for baby. Friends threw them a baby shower and B and J received all sorts of things that will make welcoming LA home a little bit easier.
And then, LA was born. Thankfully, things were not worst case scenario for LA. She did not need to be rushed into surgery upon birth, and B and J got to hold her. But she was not fine either. A few hours after she was born, B and J were informed that LA was going to be life-flighted from the hospital in Austin where she was born to a hospital in Dallas for surgery. B called home to Michigan, told his parents, and asked his mom to help him.
B’s request for support was both understandable and heart breaking. I know how much I rely on my parents just to get through my every day life. I can’t imagine how much I would lean on them in a truly life-or-death situation with a newborn baby. But B’s parents – my husband’s brother and sister-in-law – have had their own share of struggles in recent years. They truthfully could not afford to go support B or see their baby granddaughter, even if that meant they might not ever see her alive.
But God answered. When we learned about the seriousness of LA’s situation, my other sister-in-law K and I started planning. K offered up her car and some serious cash so that B’s parents could drive to Texas and see LA. Given the timing of things, however, there was no way that B’s parents could make it to Texas before the surgery. Unwilling to take the chance that something bad happen in surgery and have B’s parent miss their opportunity forever, I reached out to my friends and asked for help. And the shower of support was nothing less than miraculous.
A partner at my firm told a friend about LA, and the friend immediately offered a buddy pass on American Airlines to get B’s mom to Texas. My friend from college’s partner who works for Southwest (and travels extensively on his buddy passes) offered a buddy pass on Southwest. And my dear friend from sixth grade pulled out all the stops and offered me four buddy passes on Frontier – enough to get B’s mom, dad, brother and sister to Texas all before LA’s surgery on Thursday morning. And when she ran into a technical difficulty getting the tickets at 10 pm last night, she called one of her friends, who gave us his buddy passes, no questions asked.
To say I am touched by this outpouring of generosity from friends and strangers alike is an understatement. Even thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. None of the people who offered to help had ever met B or his parents, or in some cases, even me. They gave openly and without hesitation because they wanted to help. They did something amazing just because they could. They were the kind of people I hope I can someday be for someone else.
I believe that every baby is a blessing. LA’s birth was a reminder of that. She, of course, is a blessing in and of herself. But her birth was also a reminder that baby blessings grow up. And they aren’t any less special just because they become big blessings. Thank you to all of the friends, family and strangers to who volunteered to help bring my brother in law’s family together this week. Your generous giving brought light into a dark situation and truly was a blessing.
Karen
Little LA (her initials) was born with a two chambered heart. My nephew (B) and his girlfriend (J) knew that LA would be born with a heart defect. They did not know, however, how severe the heart defect would be. They were told there was a possibility that LA would have to be rushed into surgery immediately upon birth and that she would need a series of open heart surgeries throughout her life. And B and J were presented with the decision of whether they wanted to keep the baby.
The decision to abort a baby is a huge one, no matter the circumstance. I personally am pro-life and believe that abortion is never a choice no matter the circumstances. But I also know that my view is not universally shared. And B and J were in a tough position. B and J had only known each other a few weeks when J got pregnant. They are young (in their mid-twenties) and both have respectable but low paying jobs. B was far away from family, and their support group was small. Having a baby was going to be hard enough. Having a baby with heart problems requiring multiple surgeries over the course of years. . . .well, you could see how someone who doesn’t share my view on abortion might have a decision to make.
But despite their personal struggles, B and J never waivered on their decision to have little LA. To my knowledge, they never considered abortion and they publicly put their trust in God to help them through this challenge. And God responded. Upon learning of B’s situation, B’s employer gave him a raise – and health insurance coverage. J found a place for the three of them to live, and got it all prepared for baby. Friends threw them a baby shower and B and J received all sorts of things that will make welcoming LA home a little bit easier.
And then, LA was born. Thankfully, things were not worst case scenario for LA. She did not need to be rushed into surgery upon birth, and B and J got to hold her. But she was not fine either. A few hours after she was born, B and J were informed that LA was going to be life-flighted from the hospital in Austin where she was born to a hospital in Dallas for surgery. B called home to Michigan, told his parents, and asked his mom to help him.
B’s request for support was both understandable and heart breaking. I know how much I rely on my parents just to get through my every day life. I can’t imagine how much I would lean on them in a truly life-or-death situation with a newborn baby. But B’s parents – my husband’s brother and sister-in-law – have had their own share of struggles in recent years. They truthfully could not afford to go support B or see their baby granddaughter, even if that meant they might not ever see her alive.
But God answered. When we learned about the seriousness of LA’s situation, my other sister-in-law K and I started planning. K offered up her car and some serious cash so that B’s parents could drive to Texas and see LA. Given the timing of things, however, there was no way that B’s parents could make it to Texas before the surgery. Unwilling to take the chance that something bad happen in surgery and have B’s parent miss their opportunity forever, I reached out to my friends and asked for help. And the shower of support was nothing less than miraculous.
A partner at my firm told a friend about LA, and the friend immediately offered a buddy pass on American Airlines to get B’s mom to Texas. My friend from college’s partner who works for Southwest (and travels extensively on his buddy passes) offered a buddy pass on Southwest. And my dear friend from sixth grade pulled out all the stops and offered me four buddy passes on Frontier – enough to get B’s mom, dad, brother and sister to Texas all before LA’s surgery on Thursday morning. And when she ran into a technical difficulty getting the tickets at 10 pm last night, she called one of her friends, who gave us his buddy passes, no questions asked.
To say I am touched by this outpouring of generosity from friends and strangers alike is an understatement. Even thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. None of the people who offered to help had ever met B or his parents, or in some cases, even me. They gave openly and without hesitation because they wanted to help. They did something amazing just because they could. They were the kind of people I hope I can someday be for someone else.
I believe that every baby is a blessing. LA’s birth was a reminder of that. She, of course, is a blessing in and of herself. But her birth was also a reminder that baby blessings grow up. And they aren’t any less special just because they become big blessings. Thank you to all of the friends, family and strangers to who volunteered to help bring my brother in law’s family together this week. Your generous giving brought light into a dark situation and truly was a blessing.
Karen
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