Yesterday my brother's family got the best Valentine's Day gift ever - a healthy baby girl. We were all pretty excited for Baby J.'s arrival. My brother already has a son and a daughter, so there were absolutely no comments about, "I bet you hope this one is a boy/girl" or any of those other things people say when you have two kids of the same sex and assume you want one of each. And my brother and his wife didn't know what they were having so there were no comments about how it would be terrible for a girl to be born on Valentine's Day or anything like that. The baby was simply coming, and everyone focused on that. And we as a family got to celebrate the day dedicated to love by welcoming a new little person to love into our lives. Perfect.
But for me, the birth of my niece was also a little bittersweet. Every other time my brother had a child, I was either pregnant or had *just* had a baby myself. Our boys are six months apart and our girls three weeks apart. And while I'm glad that my brother and his wife got to enjoy a pregnancy where the focus was on them and them alone, I'm a little sad that I don't have another baby on the way.
Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond thrilled that I have two healthy children. Really, that's more than I ever could have asked for. And I'm thrilled to have both a boy and and girl. I honestly always thought I'd have all boys - and I was okay with that. So to have Sweet Pea in my life is an unexpected joy that I cherish every day. But I also love large families. I always have. I blame it on my Catholic upbringing. I can vividly remember sitting in church watching the families with kids sitting like stepping stones in the pews. One right after the other, cute as can be. It's something I always wanted.
But juggling work and a large family seems pretty much impossible. Daycare costs alone make having a large family unworkable. I don't want my kids spaced so far apart that they don't really know each other (which we'd have to do to afford daycare) and we can't afford to have more than two in daycare at a time. And even if daycare was affordable, there's still the problems of juggling activities, homework, laundry and -oh yeah - college costs. I just don't know how we could do all of that with both of us working.
The Juggle addressed this issue the other day. http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2011/02/11/life-as-a-working-mom-of-four/ In the article, the author talks about how she had to make both personal and professional sacrifices to make her situation work - despite having a stay at home husband. And while there were plenty of comments talking about the amount of love in large families, there weren't a whole lot of specifics on how to make it work.
But a lack of suggestions has never stopped me before. I have no idea how I'm going to handle the juggle once KJ hits school, but that didn't stop me from having him. And we didn't plan Sweet Pea at all. But we still managed to figure out how to raise two kids, one year apart and keep our jobs during a recession. I have faith that we'll figure it out.
As much faith as I have, I know right now is not the time to add to our family. For as much as I would like another baby, we are just hitting our stride. We're balancing the juggle and working well as a family. It feels right. But I'm gathering suggestions for the future. Just in case. Because if my kids have taught me anything, it's that I still love big families.
Karen
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friday, November 5, 2010
Baby Blessings
On Wednesday, my nephew experienced a miracle. At 10:17 a.m. he and his girlfriend welcomed a beautiful baby girl. And she is perfect in every way. She has gorgeous clear skin, blue eyes and just a ring of light fuzzy hair. She’s a good size and she has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. The only problem is, she isn’t perfectly healthy.
Little LA (her initials) was born with a two chambered heart. My nephew (B) and his girlfriend (J) knew that LA would be born with a heart defect. They did not know, however, how severe the heart defect would be. They were told there was a possibility that LA would have to be rushed into surgery immediately upon birth and that she would need a series of open heart surgeries throughout her life. And B and J were presented with the decision of whether they wanted to keep the baby.
The decision to abort a baby is a huge one, no matter the circumstance. I personally am pro-life and believe that abortion is never a choice no matter the circumstances. But I also know that my view is not universally shared. And B and J were in a tough position. B and J had only known each other a few weeks when J got pregnant. They are young (in their mid-twenties) and both have respectable but low paying jobs. B was far away from family, and their support group was small. Having a baby was going to be hard enough. Having a baby with heart problems requiring multiple surgeries over the course of years. . . .well, you could see how someone who doesn’t share my view on abortion might have a decision to make.
But despite their personal struggles, B and J never waivered on their decision to have little LA. To my knowledge, they never considered abortion and they publicly put their trust in God to help them through this challenge. And God responded. Upon learning of B’s situation, B’s employer gave him a raise – and health insurance coverage. J found a place for the three of them to live, and got it all prepared for baby. Friends threw them a baby shower and B and J received all sorts of things that will make welcoming LA home a little bit easier.
And then, LA was born. Thankfully, things were not worst case scenario for LA. She did not need to be rushed into surgery upon birth, and B and J got to hold her. But she was not fine either. A few hours after she was born, B and J were informed that LA was going to be life-flighted from the hospital in Austin where she was born to a hospital in Dallas for surgery. B called home to Michigan, told his parents, and asked his mom to help him.
B’s request for support was both understandable and heart breaking. I know how much I rely on my parents just to get through my every day life. I can’t imagine how much I would lean on them in a truly life-or-death situation with a newborn baby. But B’s parents – my husband’s brother and sister-in-law – have had their own share of struggles in recent years. They truthfully could not afford to go support B or see their baby granddaughter, even if that meant they might not ever see her alive.
But God answered. When we learned about the seriousness of LA’s situation, my other sister-in-law K and I started planning. K offered up her car and some serious cash so that B’s parents could drive to Texas and see LA. Given the timing of things, however, there was no way that B’s parents could make it to Texas before the surgery. Unwilling to take the chance that something bad happen in surgery and have B’s parent miss their opportunity forever, I reached out to my friends and asked for help. And the shower of support was nothing less than miraculous.
A partner at my firm told a friend about LA, and the friend immediately offered a buddy pass on American Airlines to get B’s mom to Texas. My friend from college’s partner who works for Southwest (and travels extensively on his buddy passes) offered a buddy pass on Southwest. And my dear friend from sixth grade pulled out all the stops and offered me four buddy passes on Frontier – enough to get B’s mom, dad, brother and sister to Texas all before LA’s surgery on Thursday morning. And when she ran into a technical difficulty getting the tickets at 10 pm last night, she called one of her friends, who gave us his buddy passes, no questions asked.
To say I am touched by this outpouring of generosity from friends and strangers alike is an understatement. Even thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. None of the people who offered to help had ever met B or his parents, or in some cases, even me. They gave openly and without hesitation because they wanted to help. They did something amazing just because they could. They were the kind of people I hope I can someday be for someone else.
I believe that every baby is a blessing. LA’s birth was a reminder of that. She, of course, is a blessing in and of herself. But her birth was also a reminder that baby blessings grow up. And they aren’t any less special just because they become big blessings. Thank you to all of the friends, family and strangers to who volunteered to help bring my brother in law’s family together this week. Your generous giving brought light into a dark situation and truly was a blessing.
Karen
Little LA (her initials) was born with a two chambered heart. My nephew (B) and his girlfriend (J) knew that LA would be born with a heart defect. They did not know, however, how severe the heart defect would be. They were told there was a possibility that LA would have to be rushed into surgery immediately upon birth and that she would need a series of open heart surgeries throughout her life. And B and J were presented with the decision of whether they wanted to keep the baby.
The decision to abort a baby is a huge one, no matter the circumstance. I personally am pro-life and believe that abortion is never a choice no matter the circumstances. But I also know that my view is not universally shared. And B and J were in a tough position. B and J had only known each other a few weeks when J got pregnant. They are young (in their mid-twenties) and both have respectable but low paying jobs. B was far away from family, and their support group was small. Having a baby was going to be hard enough. Having a baby with heart problems requiring multiple surgeries over the course of years. . . .well, you could see how someone who doesn’t share my view on abortion might have a decision to make.
But despite their personal struggles, B and J never waivered on their decision to have little LA. To my knowledge, they never considered abortion and they publicly put their trust in God to help them through this challenge. And God responded. Upon learning of B’s situation, B’s employer gave him a raise – and health insurance coverage. J found a place for the three of them to live, and got it all prepared for baby. Friends threw them a baby shower and B and J received all sorts of things that will make welcoming LA home a little bit easier.
And then, LA was born. Thankfully, things were not worst case scenario for LA. She did not need to be rushed into surgery upon birth, and B and J got to hold her. But she was not fine either. A few hours after she was born, B and J were informed that LA was going to be life-flighted from the hospital in Austin where she was born to a hospital in Dallas for surgery. B called home to Michigan, told his parents, and asked his mom to help him.
B’s request for support was both understandable and heart breaking. I know how much I rely on my parents just to get through my every day life. I can’t imagine how much I would lean on them in a truly life-or-death situation with a newborn baby. But B’s parents – my husband’s brother and sister-in-law – have had their own share of struggles in recent years. They truthfully could not afford to go support B or see their baby granddaughter, even if that meant they might not ever see her alive.
But God answered. When we learned about the seriousness of LA’s situation, my other sister-in-law K and I started planning. K offered up her car and some serious cash so that B’s parents could drive to Texas and see LA. Given the timing of things, however, there was no way that B’s parents could make it to Texas before the surgery. Unwilling to take the chance that something bad happen in surgery and have B’s parent miss their opportunity forever, I reached out to my friends and asked for help. And the shower of support was nothing less than miraculous.
A partner at my firm told a friend about LA, and the friend immediately offered a buddy pass on American Airlines to get B’s mom to Texas. My friend from college’s partner who works for Southwest (and travels extensively on his buddy passes) offered a buddy pass on Southwest. And my dear friend from sixth grade pulled out all the stops and offered me four buddy passes on Frontier – enough to get B’s mom, dad, brother and sister to Texas all before LA’s surgery on Thursday morning. And when she ran into a technical difficulty getting the tickets at 10 pm last night, she called one of her friends, who gave us his buddy passes, no questions asked.
To say I am touched by this outpouring of generosity from friends and strangers alike is an understatement. Even thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. None of the people who offered to help had ever met B or his parents, or in some cases, even me. They gave openly and without hesitation because they wanted to help. They did something amazing just because they could. They were the kind of people I hope I can someday be for someone else.
I believe that every baby is a blessing. LA’s birth was a reminder of that. She, of course, is a blessing in and of herself. But her birth was also a reminder that baby blessings grow up. And they aren’t any less special just because they become big blessings. Thank you to all of the friends, family and strangers to who volunteered to help bring my brother in law’s family together this week. Your generous giving brought light into a dark situation and truly was a blessing.
Karen
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