The Rise and Fall of Technology

Last night, for some inexplicable reason, we had a black-out.  Not just a “blew a fuse, back on in 3 minutes” black-out, but a proper pitch black, city wide and potentially county-wide, black-out.  It happened about 6:30 p.m., so there was not even a drop of daylight left.  After about 3 minutes of shrill blood-curdling screams from 7 year old H – who is really afraid of the dark – our little family banded together and went on a search for candles and flashlights.  Thank goodness the kids weren’t in the basement alone, as they sometime are at that time of night!

Once we got all the candles lit and H settled down, and realized that this was a potential long-term situation, we all hunkered down in the living room.  Now, judge me if you will, but I can’t remember the last time all four of us were in a room together and it didn’t involve a meal, TV or videogames.  It was REALLY nice.  When conversation began to lag, I started telling them “B & H Stories.”  When the kids were really young, before bed, the three of us would snuggle on my bed and I would tell “B & H stories” and they always start the same way: “Once there was a little girl called H and she had a big brother named B, and they liked to go on adventures.” Then I would spin an impossible story about where they went and what they did.  We haven’t done B & H  stories for at least two years, and Steve had never heard one. So I spun the tale of how B & H wanted to go to the highest mountain in the world but couldn’t be bothered to climb it so they used a hot air balloon, got unbalanced at the very tip of the mountain and rolled down it, only to eat pizza and dance party with the sherpas.  We were all in stitches, and when it was over, B promptly asked for another. 

Just then, the lights came back on. It seemed glaringly bright and I asked B to turn them back off, but he was having none of it.  As quickly as that, the spell of our black-out night was broken and the the almost full hour of perfection was over.  The kids darted away to their normal “lighted” activities and I was alone. 


I sat there for a while, musing about how easy it was to get into a lovely “family only” moment when there were no other distractions, and about how truly few of those we've had as a family.  About how nice it was and how I wish there were more, and about how, despite all of the hardships, the families of the distant past must have been much closer and stronger as a unit than we are today, because there were so many fewer distractions. It makes me sad for our current, rushed, tech-filled, independence-driven families. We are really missing out on something fantastic.  Maybe I’ll implement a monthly “pioneer times” night, with nothing but candle light, board games, and B & H stories…

Christine 

The American Family

Happy 4th of July everybody!

Ahh…4th of July, one of my favorite holidays. A time for BBQs with family, sparklers, corn on the cob, watermelon, worrying about whether the fumes from the bug spray that I have sprayed 1000 times on my kids will harm them, and of course wondering if the fireworks will delight or terrify the kids this year!

The 4th to me is a time to celebrate our country, and what better way to do this then by spending the day with what truly makes our country, PEOPLE. I, like most people, do this by spending time with my family. Our tradition is to head to my home town and have a BBQ at my parents house. For me there is no better way to celebrate the true meaning of this holiday than by being with my American family.

Our BBQ is incredibly predictable…my Mom WILL make her famous cream corn, our hometown radio station of WZOE will be on all afternoon, Lee Greenwood’s God Bless the USA WILL play during the grand finale of our small town fireworks, my nephew Nate WILL fall asleep during the fireworks (and we will all take bets on if this will be his year to stay up), my daughter J WILL cover her ears from the loud noises, my Grandma WILL sing her admittedly politically incorrect version of a famous 4th song, I WILL follow the fabulous 5 (my three kids and my two nephews) like paparazzi trying to catch the perfect cousins shot, I WILL sit with my Grandma and talk about how much we miss my Grandpa and how he would "direct" family traffic on the 4th so we always had the perfect place to sit for the fireworks. And yes I WILL laugh.

And that’s what I love about the holiday, it like my family, is... well predictable. The predictability of my family is one of the great mysteries to me because our lives have been anything but "predictable".  We have been through everything...divorce, death, drama. Let me just put it this way...we could be our own reality show we have been through so much. So what I love the most about my family is even though life has not been predictable to us, we are predictable to each other. Through my highs and lows my family has always remained in the middle, they are "home" to me.  I can't tell you how amazing that feels to know that in my highest highs or my lowest lows my family will be a constant.

I usually think about this when we are all lined up on my parents driveway waiting for the fireworks (which are always (also) predictably late) to start. I’ll be sitting there amongst my family, peering over the small chairs which hold the five most important kids in my life, and the thought will always cross my mind how lucky I am to have a family like I have. A true American family…a family that has seriously been through pretty much everything there is together, and came out closer, stronger, and happier. A family made up of different personalities, yet a common bond. I sit there amongst my extended family: My Mom who is my rock, my sister-in-law who is my parenting sound board and mentor, my brother who is one of the few that “gets” my sense of humor, my Grandma who I can honestly say is one of my best friends, my step-dad who gives me the Grandpa I always dreamed for my kids. And of course my husband and my kids who are my life. And then my mind will go to my other brother and his wife who live in Texas, who we miss so much that we often call them on Skype during family get togethers. And then the kids…who make me laugh and make me young again. I sit there amongst my husband, kids, and my extended family and feel truly whole, truly at peace with the world, and truly happy.

I think that is what is the best thing about the American family. Because of our lives, we all have "abnormal" families, we all have "broken" homes in some fashion, we all don't fit the family mold from the Donna Reed black and white tv shows I used to watch on Nick at Nite with my parents when I was a kid. I mean read any magazine or newspaper and what will you see...divorce on the rise, the American family falling apart, studies on how screwed up kids are because of their "non-textbook" families.  Society tells us that most of us have family discord that (according to them) will ruin the American Family.

But you know what, it hasn't. I look at my family and I see an example of how what society would deem an abormal, broken family is actually closer because of the drama than the perfect family. A family that is perfect no matter what imperfections are thrown its way.

So today as you celebrate the 4th….take time to celebrate your family and be truly grateful for our country,  summer, fireworks, and the American family!

Mandi

The Interview and the "F Word"

Recently, my law firm has been interviewing new associates. The resumes and interviews have gone through my office like a cyclone. My days have been filled with meeting fresh young 3L students interviewing for their first job.

I take a different approach to the interview process than my partners. I really ask just a couple of questions: “What made you look for a job here in the Quad Cities?” and “Tell me about your life outside the law”.

Most of the time I am met with answers straight from Law Associate Interviewing 101:

 “I don’t have much of a life outside the law, for the law is my life”
 “In my spare time, I enjoy debating”
 "I volunteer my time to teach mock trial"
“My outside life is taking a back seat as I begin this amazing career”.
“Outside of law school, I work, I enjoy working”.

Seriously with these answers I have learned I can roll my eyes internally without being seen. Trust me its a true talent. A talent I plan to use the next time my son asks me again if he can be "Perry the Platypus" when he grows up.

So I conduct my portion of the interview without many questions about law school accomplishments, even though the applicants are dying to tell me they are on Law Review, at the top of their class, and have a high GPA. I take that information and translate it to the sound of Charlie Brown’s teacher: “Wah Wah Wah”. Lawyers are not taught to be lawyers in law school. Sad but true. You don’t learn to be a lawyer until you become one. So the fact you wrote an article about the changing laws on free range chickens doesn’t matter to me. We can teach a law student to be a good lawyer, but we can’t teach them how to be who they are as a person. I want to know the person, not the resume.

In the midst of interviews I met a meek and mild friendly young woman. She started to ask me the normal questions: amount of billable hours, the type of law we practice, the day to day life of our firm. As we talked I could tell she was feeling more comfortable with every question. After the standard questions she got quiet, nervously cleared her throat, fidgeted a bit and said “I’m not sure how to ask this…but I’m about to start a family in the next year or two…is this firm supportive of that??”.

The second the words left her lips, she looked like she wanted to take them back. Her face read: “Great, I asked THAT. She won’t think I’m a hard worker and I won’t get the job”.

I instantly silenced her fears and told her I thought it was a great question. I waved my hand around my messy office at the dozens of picture frames and the Crayola Masterpieces. “My world revolves around the faces in this room” I said. “And my partners have always supported that”.

As I looked at her sigh with relief, I couldn’t help but remember when I was sitting in her chair...literally. At the time I interviewed at my firm I was 27 year old, engaged to be married to my husband and my children were mere twinkles in my eyes. So I sat down in my new black suit, trying not to appear nervous and fielded questions from about 5 partners.

I told them about my passion for civil litigation, my experience at my previous firm, my love of writing. But then I was asked the classic question… “Where do you see yourself in 5 years??”. And just like the applicant in my office, I fidgeted a bit and laid it out on the line. My answer really didn't have much to do with the law. I told them I was engaged to be married and that soon after my wedding I was planning to start having children. I told them that I was a bit nervous about being a working Mom and juggling the lifestyle, but I wanted to a find a firm where I could make it work.

And I did. I was hired, got married 5 months later, took back to back maternity leaves during my first years at the firm, and made partner. I found a firm I love, partners I respect and admire, a firm I am fiercely loyal to. I found a firm I could fit into because I wasn’t afraid to find out if I could actually fit in.

The sad truth is that most applicants won’t ask the “family friendly” question. I guess they think family is the true “F word” to the legal profession. So instead of asking what they truly want to know: “Can I be a lawyer here and have a personal life or be a Mom?”, they choose to paint themselves as billable hour machines. In fact I even had one applicant tell me he “Looked forward to working weekends and couldn’t wait to work late”. Yeah right buddy…no one looks forward to that.

But in my opinion these are valid questions that should be asked and should be received without judgment. The people who ask these questions are merely trying to find out if this is a place they can have a career. And can you blame them? I mean hey, if you are going to go into a lions den, wouldn't you want to know if there is going to be an angry lion waiting to bite your head off or a pride of fun loving lions that will welcome you in by singing some classic Disney "Hakuna Matata" song?? Okay so maybe I've watched one too many Disney movies this week...but you know what I mean. Whether a lions den or a law firm...its always better to know what you are getting into.

But more often than not, these questions are not asked for fear of rejection or judgment. The "I am a machine" persona will be shown over the "I am a person who wants a family and a career". And yes, those machines are probably going to get a call back interview or coveted job offer faster than the family folk.  That's just the way it is. I can’t change the profession. I never will. All I can do is refuse to hide my motherhood in a briefcase and continue to voice my opinion in favor of the ones who dare to speak the "F word"!

Mandi

Weekend Dash

Weekends are busy around our house.  Both KJ and Sweet Pea take gymnastic classes and KJ attends some sort of hockey lesson most Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  Split between two parents, this should be a do-able schedule.  But the classes aren't really splitable - Sweet Pea's gymnastics class is a parent-tot class, and each and every one of KJ's hockey lessons has some parental component.  And since Husband can't skate, that means I have to be at and participate in each and every one of these lessons. Normally, this isn't a problem.  I like spending time with the kids and I consider the parent-tot classes an opportunity to have some special one-on-one time with each kid.  Soon enough they won't want anything to do with me, so I try to treasure these times.   But it makes my weekend busy.  I pretty much rush from place to place, squeezing in grocery shopping and laundry between classes.

This last weekend was particularly difficult.  On top of all of the regular classes and errands that fill up our weekends, I also needed to work. I tried to do as much work as possible while the kids were sleeping, but that meant I worked until the wee hours of both Friday and Saturday mornings.  By the time the kids woke up on Saturday morning, I had only a couple hours of sleep over the course of a few days.  I muscled through, going to the kids' gymnastics lessons and buying a week's worth of groceries "on the way" home.  We then rushed around, Husband helping the kids eat lunch while I put away the groceries and collected KJ's hockey gear, all while constantly reminding KJ to focus on eating because we were leaving in ten minutes whether he was ready or not.  And then, in the midst of all this madness, the phone rings.  It was my dad.

Initially, I was irritated.  My dad knew that KJ had hockey in 10 minutes, and he knew that we were always rushed for time between gymnastics and hockey.  We usually have just over an hour between the two classes.  When you try to squeeze errands and lunch for two toddlers into an hour, there isn't much time for anything else.  But I'm so glad I answered the phone.  My dad was calling to see if he could take KJ to hockey.

My dad's offer was exactly what I needed on Saturday.  He didn't know anything about the week I had or how much I had been working.  He didn't know that I was feeling overwhelmed with everything I had to do that day.  My dad  just knew that he had a free hour and if he took KJ to hockey, then he could have some special one-on-one time with his grandson.  But for me, my dad's offer meant an hour break. One whole hour I could have to myself.  So, I took him up on it.

I won't lie and say that I didn't feel guilty as my dad and KJ walked to the van to go to their lesson.  I felt like I should have been the one going with KJ, that I was somehow letting him down.  But as they walked to the van, I heard KJ say, "Papa, I missed you yesterday."  And with that I knew that everything was fine.  I wasn't being selfish by taking a nap instead of going to hockey, I was allowing for a special bonding moment between grandfather and grandson.  It was one of those rare opportunities where what everyone wanted/needed lined up.  KJ and Papa got their special time together and I got a nap. There's no reason to feel guilty about that.

Karen

Merry Christmas!

Remember that scene in It’s a Wonderful Life when Jimmy Stewart runs down the street screaming his Merry Christmas’s??

“Merry Christmas Town Hall”, “Merry Christmas Movie House”.

I love that scene. Thank God you can’t hear me while reading this blog otherwise you would have to endure my Jimmy Stewart impression.

Okay, so I’m no Jimmy Stewart and if I ran down the street screaming Merry Christmas, I would either keel over from exhaustion (which reminds me that I need to add weight loss as a New Years’ resolution) or get pulled over by the Davenport Police Department. So, allow me to “Jimmy Stewart” myself in blog form today.

“Merry Christmas J, H, and L”. I cannot say enough how much my children play a role in my life. Wait a second, they don’t play a role…they ARE my life. I truly believe that my life started when they were born. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God that I have them with me. They are truly the greatest people to walk this earth and I am so honored to be their mother. I love cuddling with L, laughing with H, and accepting fashion advice from J.

“Merry Christmas Todd”. I don’t say it enough, but I wouldn’t be anywhere without my husband. He is my rock, my best friend, and my soul mate. He has taught me to love in a way that is so profound, so deep, that it has changed everything I thought about love. Sure I wish he would pick up around the house and I probably won’t stop nagging him…but I don’t regret a minute that I chose him to be my partner and the father of my children.

“Merry Christmas Mom” I am one of those lucky few that can honestly say (and not just with a Hallmark card) that my Mom is my best friend. She has always been the one constant in my life. I know no matter where I go, she’ll be there to help me. She knows me better than anyone and can read my mind so clearly, that I often pretend to think of something else if I want to hide something from her. She is also the reason I am able to be the Mom I am today.

“Merry Christmas to my Firm” I am so honored to be a partner at my law firm. I love working at my firm. The staff is amazing, my partners are supportive, and the work is exactly the type of law I am passionate about. If I have to be away from my kids, which my school debt and credit cards dictate that I do, then I want to be here. I am so blessed to own a piece of such an amazing company.

“Merry Christmas to my Facebook Friends” You will often hear me mention Facebook in my blog posts. I LOVE Facebook. Not only has it allowed me to show off thousands of pictures of my children and digital scrapbook pages, but I have reconnected with friends that I would have never had the opportunity to otherwise.

“Merry Christmas Package”. My best friend is Jean, my fellow JD Mom. I met her in law school and since then she has become such a part of my life, we have nicknamed each other “Package”. In fact, she isn’t my best friend…she is my sister. I don’t get to tell her enough how much she means to me, but she is the kind of friend that understands you even when you don't understand yourself (if that makes any sense).

“Merry Christmas JD Moms”. I have to give a special shout out to Karen and Jean, my fellow JD Moms. When Karen first asked me to co-create this blog with her, I had no idea what this would become.  I mean come on…I’m just a Mom, the most interesting and thought-provoking topics in my life are “Where are Max and Ruby’s parents?”or “Why do Dora’s parents let her wander across the world alone?”. All joking aside, I am so grateful to write along with these two amazing women.

“Merry Christmas to You”. Since we started this blog in September, I have gotten many emails and Facebook notes from various readers of this blog. I greatly appreciate your comments and praise on the blog. I love the emails from the readers who say “I know exactly what you are going through” or “That SO happened to me”…because that is the purpose of our blog. We are all in this together. I know I speak for Karen and Jean when I say a special thank you to all of you for supporting our blog.

Okay, so I know this would have been so much more dramatic if I would have channeled Jimmy and ran down my street yelling my greetings…but you get the point. On behalf of myself, J, H, L, and of course my fellow JD Moms I wish you a Merry Christmas!! Please leave me some comments or send me messages with what you and your family did over the holidays…I love to swap crazy family stories (although trust me I'll always win)!!

Mandi

What I Am Thankful For...

Yes folks, it is that time of year when we take time out to list out what we are thankful for.  Granted, we should do this more often (similar to the count your blessings theme) but, as we all know, kids, work, dishes, errands, etc. get in the way.  To give you a little idea, here is what A &B are thankful for:

A: My grandma and grandpa, mama and Jetta
B: My mommy and daddy and Jetta dog

It really is that simple for them.  Although, I do know that hubby will be a little hurt that A did not include him (he is off deer hunting, and she is a little unhappy she didn't get to go).  As for me, well, this took a little more thought:

1. My children - I honestly don't know what I would do without them.  They make me crazy some times, but when they laugh, smile and tell me that I am their best friend and they love me, it makes me realize I am the luckiest person in the world.
2. My hubby - yes, he makes me crazy most of the time too, but I he is my constant.  Things may get crazy for us, but we are a team.
3. My parents - I am a spoiled rotten only child, so you know they are included :)!  They still take care of me AND spoil A & B rotten now!
4. My family - without them, I would not be the person I am today.  I just wish we could all be together more often!
5. My best friend - she knows me better than anyone else.  And still loves me!  I know that when we are 60 and still looking fabulous, we will still be laughing about our dancing skills!
6. The Fab Four - best friends forever!  Now, if we could all be in the same state again.
7. My job - in current times, I know how lucky I am to have a job.  And one where my boss appreciates my hard work AND understands the need for family time.  Amazing!
8. A house over my head. 
9. Health (for everyone close to me)
10. A positive attitude
11. Caring friends
12. Great teachers at daycare and preschool
13. Good neighbors
14. My guardian angels
15. Second chances

Ok - I am sure there are more, but for now, I am lost in happy memories.  Please take the time out to reflect on what you are thankful for.  I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving! 

Jean Anne

Frustration?

Maybe the title of this post should be "I don't understand men," but that may be too much of a topic to tackle in one night, so I think I will stick with my first thought. 

My frustration stems mostly from my hubby, who I lately just don't understand.  He is leaving this week to head up to northern Wisconsin to have his yearly deer hunting time with his grandfather, father, mother and this year, even his sister and his nephew.  Now, I love that he has this tradition with his family (and I am especially glad that the girls and I do not have to go!!), so please don't think that I am a horrible wife on this point.  This makes his grandfather's year and you can see from the family photos that this is a happy time for them.  And it doesn't even bother me that he will be gone for 6 days.

What bothers me is that he hasn't spent any time with his kids (and me) in the past week.  In fact, this weekend, we did not have any plans at all, yet he managed to find something else to do.  And if you ask him, these things had to be done.  On Saturday, he had to go set out feed for deer hunting in Iowa, then head to his friend B's to be supportive.  And on Sunday, he went out goose hunting in the morning, then spent all afternoon hanging Christmas lights.  And yes, I love Christmas lights and being supportive of friends, but he is going to be gone next week.  Isn't family more important?  He couldn't even sit through Toy Story 3 (yes, for the 4th time) with the girls.

When I know that travel plans are coming up for me, I like to spend every waking moment with the girls.  If things come up, I postpone them (especially laundry and the dishes!).  I even tried to talk with him about it this weekend, but I think all he heard from me was "nagging."  It's not that I don't want him to go and have fun on the weekend or deer hunting, but I would like to feel like we are important too. 

Am I just being too much of a nag?  I really do think his family is the most important thing in his life, I just wish he would express it.  Am I not seeing his side? 

Thanks for the advice/thoughts!

Jean Anne

Baby Blessings

On Wednesday, my nephew experienced a miracle. At 10:17 a.m. he and his girlfriend welcomed a beautiful baby girl. And she is perfect in every way. She has gorgeous clear skin, blue eyes and just a ring of light fuzzy hair. She’s a good size and she has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. The only problem is, she isn’t perfectly healthy.

Little LA (her initials) was born with a two chambered heart. My nephew (B) and his girlfriend (J) knew that LA would be born with a heart defect. They did not know, however, how severe the heart defect would be. They were told there was a possibility that LA would have to be rushed into surgery immediately upon birth and that she would need a series of open heart surgeries throughout her life. And B and J were presented with the decision of whether they wanted to keep the baby.

The decision to abort a baby is a huge one, no matter the circumstance. I personally am pro-life and believe that abortion is never a choice no matter the circumstances. But I also know that my view is not universally shared. And B and J were in a tough position. B and J had only known each other a few weeks when J got pregnant. They are young (in their mid-twenties) and both have respectable but low paying jobs. B was far away from family, and their support group was small. Having a baby was going to be hard enough. Having a baby with heart problems requiring multiple surgeries over the course of years. . . .well, you could see how someone who doesn’t share my view on abortion might have a decision to make.

But despite their personal struggles, B and J never waivered on their decision to have little LA. To my knowledge, they never considered abortion and they publicly put their trust in God to help them through this challenge. And God responded. Upon learning of B’s situation, B’s employer gave him a raise – and health insurance coverage. J found a place for the three of them to live, and got it all prepared for baby. Friends threw them a baby shower and B and J received all sorts of things that will make welcoming LA home a little bit easier.

And then, LA was born. Thankfully, things were not worst case scenario for LA. She did not need to be rushed into surgery upon birth, and B and J got to hold her. But she was not fine either. A few hours after she was born, B and J were informed that LA was going to be life-flighted from the hospital in Austin where she was born to a hospital in Dallas for surgery. B called home to Michigan, told his parents, and asked his mom to help him.

B’s request for support was both understandable and heart breaking. I know how much I rely on my parents just to get through my every day life. I can’t imagine how much I would lean on them in a truly life-or-death situation with a newborn baby. But B’s parents – my husband’s brother and sister-in-law – have had their own share of struggles in recent years. They truthfully could not afford to go support B or see their baby granddaughter, even if that meant they might not ever see her alive.

But God answered. When we learned about the seriousness of LA’s situation, my other sister-in-law K and I started planning. K offered up her car and some serious cash so that B’s parents could drive to Texas and see LA. Given the timing of things, however, there was no way that B’s parents could make it to Texas before the surgery. Unwilling to take the chance that something bad happen in surgery and have B’s parent miss their opportunity forever, I reached out to my friends and asked for help. And the shower of support was nothing less than miraculous.

A partner at my firm told a friend about LA, and the friend immediately offered a buddy pass on American Airlines to get B’s mom to Texas. My friend from college’s partner who works for Southwest (and travels extensively on his buddy passes) offered a buddy pass on Southwest. And my dear friend from sixth grade pulled out all the stops and offered me four buddy passes on Frontier – enough to get B’s mom, dad, brother and sister to Texas all before LA’s surgery on Thursday morning. And when she ran into a technical difficulty getting the tickets at 10 pm last night, she called one of her friends, who gave us his buddy passes, no questions asked.

To say I am touched by this outpouring of generosity from friends and strangers alike is an understatement. Even thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. None of the people who offered to help had ever met B or his parents, or in some cases, even me. They gave openly and without hesitation because they wanted to help. They did something amazing just because they could. They were the kind of people I hope I can someday be for someone else.
I believe that every baby is a blessing. LA’s birth was a reminder of that. She, of course, is a blessing in and of herself. But her birth was also a reminder that baby blessings grow up. And they aren’t any less special just because they become big blessings. Thank you to all of the friends, family and strangers to who volunteered to help bring my brother in law’s family together this week. Your generous giving brought light into a dark situation and truly was a blessing.

Karen