Line Jumping Lives - Part Two

A couple of weeks ago I introduced you to my “line jumping lives”. If you missed that post, I like every working Mom am trying to find balance between my two lives of attorney v. Mommy. Although I try to keep my lives separate, parallel, and peaceful…often my lives do not want to cooperate. My personal life and professional life often find it very hard to co-exist peacefully leading them to infringe upon each other all the time, “line jumping” sort to speak.

When I last wrote about this topic, it was my professional life trying to butt in on my personal life. Well, apparently my personal life has been harboring a vendetta….

This week I have a federal two day trial. My partner asked me a few weeks back to 2^nd chair a trial with her. I love litigation so any chance I get to be a part of it is like Christmas morning for my professional life. So, yes I was thrilled and excited about the prospect of this trial. If I have to work (which thanks to my husband’s recent loss of the Mega Millions jackpot, looks like something I will be doing for many years to come) then I want to litigate. And now my professional life was giving this opportunity.

So, my professional life was at its happiest, busy sure, but excited. And that’s when it was blind-sided as my personal life decided to butt in and try to rain on its parade. Oh no "butt in" is a little too kind, my personal life lodged a multi-faceted attack upon my professional life.

It started with the infamous note from backpack. I have come to find out that the backpack of a child very rarely holds good news. It either holds a note asking for money, or telling you at midnight that your child needs to wear red polka dot socks the next day. So I have learned my lesson to open it each night, preferrably before Target closes. As my daughter and I emptied her Hello Kitty backpack I saw the usuals: old homework, Market day brochures, pictures from art class, a library book. But then from the bottom J pulled out something she was very excited to show me. She pulled out a note…not just a note the hand drawn, colored with crayon kind of note. The kind of note you know is important…

I opened up the note. In my daughter’s precious Kindergarten-Crayola blue handwriting I read

“You are invited to my concert April 3^rd at 1:00 p.m.”

Ka-Boom, first attack. April 3^rd is the first day of my trial. The attack was major as this was not an invitation this was a handwritten invitation. Even though on the outside I was smiling ear to ear for my daughter’s sake a ton of emotions were festering. At first I got mad, really mad. I mean was there seriously no voices of reason in the “Let’s set a memory-saving scrapbook moment, pull out the video tape, adorable concert, during the work day, and give parents less than a week’s notice” meeting. Next came guilt as my daughter followed her invite with “You are going to love it Mommy, I’m singing about lunch!”. Then I felt defensive. Should I try and explain to my daughter that 99% of the time I am at school functions when most Moms aren’t there?? Nah, I doubt kindergartners are swayed by percentages.

I had to think fast, especially when faced with the big hazel eyes of a daughter who very rarely has to deal with her Mommy not being in the crowd. So I pulled out my big weapon…my best weapon, the big gun. “Hey, you know who can come….NANA. Nana is on spring break so I bet she can come!” I knew once I said Nana, I could slip in a “I can’t come J” and she wouldn’t even hear it. Mom is great, but Nana, Nana is AWESOME. Picture if you will, a crowd of parrotheads at a small county fair expecting a cover band but suddenly are surprised with Jimmy Buffet himself. That is Nana. Nana is idolized by my kids, so I knew if Nana was there, J would never even remember if I wasn’t there. Sure enough it worked, J smiled from ear to ear. Crisis averted.

Or was it? As I turned away, I heard J “Here Mommy, there’s this too”. J pulled yet another pink paper from her backpack. Could it be???? No, not after the last attack.

Yep, sneak attack.

Well played, personal life. I certainly didn’t see that coming.

“Eat with your child week”. Yes, the week where you can bring in McDonalds and surprise your kids by eating lunch with them. I never miss this week as the thought of my daughter watching her classmates chomp on fries while she eats corn dog nuggets on a lunch tray is too much for me to handle.

Okay, don’t panic Mandi. It says it’s the WHOLE week…there is no way it will be on a day I can’t go.

But there it was, in bold Times New Roman, “Kindergarten: Monday”. Of course it's on Monday…the day of the rescheduled-one-to-many-times deposition that I can’t cancel. I had already used my top Nana weapon, so what on earth do I do now? But then a beacon of hope as I noticed the small print of “Make up day: Friday” on my calendar. Friday I can do. I explained to my daughter that I would come on FRIDAY, the best day of the week! She smiled. Whew…dodged another bullet.

Two attacks in one day, I’m sure even the most seasoned war soldier would have a hard time dealing with that.  

But it seems like my personal life wanted to hit me while I was down as the next day brought yet more bad news. This time it was delivered by messenger as my husband light-heardly said on the phone one afternoon while I was typing a motion at my desk “Oh by the way, the boys Easter Egg Hunt is next week”. Sure personal life, it’s not enough to use my daughter against me, you are going to throw in a toddler’s easter egg hunt. Ok I know you aren’t supposed to shoot the messenger, but I think when it’s your husband there is a an exception so I let out my frustration with a loud “REALLY? Let me guess, it’s Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday?? Right!!?? RIGHT???????”.

I think Todd was afraid to answer, as he said “No, it’s Thursday” with a “please don’t bite off my head” type of tone. Okay, so this wasn’t an attack, just sort of a “don’t make me do it” reminder from my personal life that my working life was getting a little hectic and it could attack at any time so I better watch it.

I survived the attacks with some guilt and wiggling around of my schedule. I know I’m lucky, as I am blessed with a job that allows these type of attack weeks to be few and far between. I am grateful that to date I have yet to miss any big event, a job that allows me to be one of the only Moms climbing the bus on a field trip. I know I could have a job where that is not possible. But still, I can’t help but complain. It’s a war that working Moms face all the time, but there is no other way to say it other than just saying it…IT SUCKS.  

So here’s to hoping that all of you reading this are not engulfed in your own line jumping battle and having one of those weeks of peaceful co-existence! And if you’re not, hang in there, and perhaps wear a helmet…the attacks are swift and often painful!

Mandi

Vacation

I’m Baaaaaack….

Yes, here I am...another year has begun. I hope everyone had an amazing holiday.

So where have I been??? Well I always think a picture is worth a 1000 words so here it goes....

Ahh...yes....VACATION.

It’s actually amazing to me how much the word “Vacation” has changed over my 3 decades. As a kid, vacation meant fun family trips, Disney, beaches…anywhere with a large store where you could get t-shirts or a snow globe. Of course vacations were awesome because you could buy every souvenir in the gift shop, ride every ride in the amusement park, and never even think about the fact this trip actually had to be paid for. Trust me a hot fudge sundae in a fancy hotel tastes much sweeter when someone else is footing the bill.

In my early 20’s vacations simply meant breaks from school. A law student has limited income and therefore I couldn't afford to go anywhere. But in all honesty, it didn't matter. Vacation for me was simply anytime I didn't have to crack open a book.

My late 20's brought the romantic getaways with my boyfriend, who became my fiancé, who became my husband. The time frame of, "sure this vacation is costing us a lot of money but hell, we're young, we're in love, so pop open another bottle wine and let Visa pick up the tab".

And then came the kids…and once again vacations have changed. Now I’m the one footing the bill for the floppy ear hat or the t-shirt from the gift shop that will only fit the day before its washed. I’m the tour director having to find a location to please a Diva 5 year old, an all-boy 4 year old, and an active toddler. I’m also the one that has to figure out how to best use every square inch of a Dodge Caravan so we can bring the 3 American Girl Dolls, the 5 stuffed animals, cooler full of Capri Suns and fruit cups, and oh yeah the stuff we actually need.

I actually break up my vacations at work into two separate vacations: a week in the summer where my family travels and a week after Christmas where I treat myself to a true luxury for me...a staycation. I know you must be thinking I'm crazy for staying home in Iowa in the middle of winter. But in all honesty just being able to be home, run errands with no time clock, sleep in, and get to cross out the "working" in front of "working Mom" for a week is worth more to me than the swankiest resort.

And so that’s what I did. I celebrated the last week of 2011 in the comfort of my home. And boy did I have a lot to celebrate. I made it through my first year of partnership, made it through watching my baby learn to walk, survived sending my first born to kindergarten, and simply made it through another year of the never ending struggle of work-life balance.

So I spent a week away from the headaches of work, with only a few short breaks in my day to keep my emails in check. I kept off social networking sites, hardly perused my standard gossip columns and just enjoyed living the role I am the most comfortable in, Mommy. Sure, we planned an overnight trip, attended a fun New Year’s party, went ice skating and bowling, but most often we were simply at home. And I’ll tell you it was just what the doctor ordered. Dorothy is right my friends, there really is no place like HOME. (And footnote: As you can see my staycation truly inspired even the decorating of my family room!)

I think as an attorney vacations are naturally more precious. In a job where billable hours govern, deadlines are king, and paperwork towers over you it’s very important to take time to get away. The work part of my life could consume me if I let it. I have enough work to be able to work 24 hours a day and still not be up to date on everything. My job is fast paced, high volume, and often high stress. And take that and mix in everything that goes along with raising three young children and...well you get the idea.

I had the best week, and honestly we didn’t do much. My favorite moments were our pajama lazy days just curled up on the couch together. My kids and I of course had a ton of toys to build and play with compliments of Santa and family. With sleeping in, no classes to run to, and no late night brief writing, everyone was in the perfect mood. My house was clean, we played for hours, and yes I am happy to report not one meal came from the crock pot.

My staycation always gives me a renewed perspective on life and allows me to really cherish my blessings. My favorite moment of Christmas break was very simple yet powerful. Recently, my children and I have started to attend church. For years I’ve been on this quest to find a perfect church for my family to grow in, but with the terrible two’s and antsy babies we did the standard “holiday churching" that my family did growing up. Sorry but even my strong faith could not get me into a busy church with a screaming baby (no crying room wall is sound proof enough for a colickly H). But now that 2 of my 3 are past the roller coaster toddler years I knew it was time for us to get back into this. So we started going to church weekly and the past month has been amazing. My kids and I have found a perfect home in our church. The children love Sunday school, they hug our Pastor on the way out of church as if they have known him for years, J belted out Away in the Manger in the Christmas program…everything has just fallen in place. So Christmas Eve I decided to head home from my parents’ house early and take the kids to their first candlelight Christmas service. With L being exhausted from the days events, J, H, and I walked into our church and got ready for the service. During the service the lights were turned out and we sang Silent Night by candlelight. There by candlelight I got a chance to really feel Christmas. It was beautiful. In that quiet moment I was able to just get back to what is truly important in life.

And that’s what this vacation was to me, a simple time to exhale and ready myself for the year ahead. Of course it was absolutely crazy coming back. I may take a vacation every now and then, but my work certainly never does…mail piles up, phone calls are missed, and so getting back into the swing of things after a rest is always hard. But alas that is a blog for another day.

So here we go 2012…I’m ready…I’m set…let’s go.

Mandi

My House of Cards

The last couple of years, I have started to "hit the stride" of my life. You know, the point in your life when you feel you have a handle on things. A point in your life, when everything just seems to fall in place. A point where you exhale a lot more and finally feel that famous C-word...CONTROL .

From the outside looking in, it may appear as though I'm incredibly independent. My Mom (who due to her role in my life has always been my number one cheerleader), always says to me "I don't know how YOU do it Mandi, YOU do it all". I think this is the typical working Mom stereotype. I fall into it too...I'll see a working Mom, who seems to balance everything perfectly, and I'll think, Wow she's superwoman... SHE can do it all.

But I learned a huge lesson recently...things are NEVER exactly what they seem.

This past month, my bad luck assistant streak continued and I found myself once again starting with a new assistant. My former assistant gave me her notice and told me she was leaving the area, and like an old familiar song, I was back to the drawing board attempting to find another assistant.

My new assistant started. I sat her down and explained to her that I am a super organized person, I like my files organized, and due to my insane schedule of work commitments and personal commitments I need her to step in and diary our files, remind me of deadlines, etc. I basically gave her my typical "Welcome to the craziness" speech.

As she started I assumed it would be a smooth transition. After all, there never seemed to be any problems with my last assistant, and things seemed to be taken care of.  I wasn't far behind on work and in fact because my case had settled my October was wide open to allow for a smooth transition. I was confident that all would be just fine.

So much to my surprise one day while I was in a deposition, I checked my iPhone and found a message from our office manager that she needed to talk to me about something. I walked into my firm and to my surprise, another assistant and my assistant looked very frazzled. I walked passed them into our office manager's office. "Things are bad, did you realize what was waiting there for your assistant?".

I hate to admit it, for it makes me sound absolutely clueless, but I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean come on...my world is organized, controlled...right? I headed back over to my assistant's desk to find it completely destroyed...files everywhere, stacks of papers galore. It seriously looked like a scene straight out of Hoarders.

My assistant explained that as she was making herself at home in her new cubicle, and every time she moved something she found more and more stacks of paper. Filing from earlier in the year, to-do emails that she didn't know if they had been done, etc. etc. Looking around the mess, I suddenly felt like someone ripped me out of a deep sleep and thrust me into reality. What the hell was happening here? How could all of this stuff be here and I never knew?

It's hard to put in words how I felt those next weeks, but it was a mixture of feeling like I had been duped and sheer panic. Emails upon emails of "Do this please" or "Follow up please" that were never done.  I started to literally get sick to my stomach each time my new assistant walked in with another "Here's another pile we have to go through". I felt completely out of control, overwhelmed, and incredibly stressed.

Luckily I have a lot of great friends at my firm that agreed to step in and help clean up the mess. The dust settled and my new assistant got everything taken care of. Suddenly my world started to balance itself again.

Going through this experience reminded me that although my life may seem to be in control, I live in a house of cards. The fact is I rely so heavily upon people, that they support me and make my life appear to be what it is. And because I am so busy, I don't have time to micromanage each of my cards and so my life depends on whether are not they are holding up their end of the bargain.  That's a scary position to be in, but one I think a lot of working Moms deal with.  I, like so many other working Moms, rely on people more than I even realize. And if one of these people fail me, my whole world has a risk of collapsing from underneath me.

So next time you see a "SuperMom" and you wonder how she is able to do it all, remember that there is so much more going on behind the scenes.She isn't doing it on her own...she has support all around her, support she relies on to keep her world in harmony. Support that unfortunately could let her down. And if you are the one trying to be the SuperMom, remember from time to time to thank your "cards" for supporting your world and helping you fool the world that YOU can do it all.

Mandi