Happy What?

This week has been a busy week for our house. Yes, it was our 8th wedding anniversary and my hubby’s birthday. And no, I did not plan it that way – September is busy enough as it is! You might be wondering, what exciting things did we do for our anniversary and his birthday? Well, drum roll please….

NOTHING! Yep, I completely botched both the anniversary and birthday this year. Our anniversary was spent with the girls at Sugar Shack, supporting the Centennial Elementary PTA and hubby’s birthday will be spent at soccer practice and Hy-vee. As for gifts…well…Again, epic fail.

In all fairness, we recently purchased a used Dodge Durango (aka they hubby’s hunting vehicle). And he did get a new trailer/hauling thing for it on Saturday. We seem to have succumbed to the mode of “when we need something, we just go buy it.” And he seems ok with it. But I feel horrible. Plus, I even forgot cards from A & B! (Although, they did wish him a happy birthday as soon as they woke up AND sang him happy birthday!)

I just keep wondering, what happened this year? Last year, I was on a roll. We spent our “lucky 7” anniversary in Las Vegas – our 1st big trip away from the girls. And, because it was our 7th anniversary and John Elway (#7) was his favorite football player, he also got an autographed, full-size Elway helmet. It was GREAT!! 
To top it off, hubby got me a beautiful watch this year from Joseph’s for our anniversary. And what did I get him? NOTHING! Not even a card!

So, it makes me wonder…did I go to big last year? And I love giving gifts, so what is stopping me from spoiling hubby this year?  We are currently planning to celebrate our anniversary in October, when we attend his 10 year college reunion without A & B (I know - a weekend away!).  But I just feel that I should have done something a little more special now.


Any ideas to make it up to him?

Thanks!

Jean Anne

Thirty-three

Yesterday was my birthday. The big 3-3.

I had a great birthday. My parents came up the day before and took me to my favorite restaurant for lunch. At 33, when you are always used to paying for everything, you forget how nice it is when someone else picks up the check! My actual birthday started with a morning sernade of Happy Birthday from my husband and children, followed by my favorite beignets for breakfast. My kids then “treated” me to an afternoon movie (even the refreshment stand clerk laughed when my daughter said “I’ll pay Mom, but can I borrow your [debit] card???!"). I had a low-key dinner with my family followed by cupcakes made by my favorite little chefs. It was truly an amazing day.

Throughout the day, my kids couldn’t wait to tell everyone that it was my birthday. And of course since they are kids and therefore proud to say how old they are, they felt the need to broadcast to the world my age. But, as my luck would have it, they kept telling people I was 43. No matter how many times I corrected them, 43 it was.

After our birthday cupcakes, my daughter and I started to look through old pictures. Of course, as is her norm, she immediately asked to see pictures of my "Ball" (i.e. my wedding).  One by one she laughed at how young her cousin looked, how handsome Daddy was....

Then we came across this picture….a picture of me getting ready.

J is fascinated by this picture…it’s her favorite picture of me. I’m sure it has to do with the fact I’m delicately putting on a lot of makeup (which of course Miss Diva highly approves of and which she doesn't get to see too often in my crazy Mommy morning rush). This time J was extra excited to see her favorite picture. She turned, put her arm around me, and in a consoling tone said…. “See Mom…here you don’t look 43!”.

Gee…thanks J. Yes, dear I've taken enough logic classes to turn that sentence around and get that you are saying that now I do...now I look 43. Happy Birthday to me! 

My first instinct was to plead my case. Well of course I don't look 43 in that picture! I had no mortgage, few responsibilities, full nights of sleep, no kids to "share" my debit card, no cares in the world. I was simply living in the present, basking in the glow of knowing I was about to marry my soulmate. Yep, I was in my 20's so my thoughts didn't go past the reception at that point.

Now? Well I'm sure I do look 43 with all the weight I carry on my shoulders. Now I constantly have to think ahead, whether its insuring my life or just worrying about what to cook this week. In addition to myself, I am responsible for their future. I juggle more now than that 27 year old in that picture ever could have imagined. So, yes if it wasn't for expensive Aveda moisturizers or the "anti-aging" foundation I broke down and switched to this past year, I'd probably look 63 considering all I carry on my plate!

But alas, I didn't defend myself to my 5 year old. I just rolled my eyes playfully at her and chuckled. Alright, she's right...I don't look much like the 20 something Mandi in J's favorite picture.  But for me, that isn’t a bad thing. The truth is I love my 30’s and embrace each passing year. The Mandi in J's picture may have been getting herself together for her big day, but in many ways she wasn't even close to feeling as "put together" as I do today. At 33, I’m finally starting to hit my stride. I’m setting aside insecurities, finally becoming comfortable in my skin, truly loving my life.

About 10 years ago I heard a sermon in church. I was in my early-mid 20's and going through what I hope will be the darkest time in my life. I had no clue where my life was leading, no path was laid before me. That day a guest pastor gave the sermon. This sermon has touched my life in such a way that not only did I buy an audio tape version from the church, I have the video. During one part of what will forever be my favorite sermon, the pastor looked out at the young crowd:

“…and if you are under 30, just shut up, raise your hand, and others will help you…you honestly have no clue. I know you think you do...but you don't. YOU HAVE NO CLUE.”

Of course laughter soon followed out of the congregation. But as I sit here entering my mid 30’s I wish I could find that pastor and tell him how dead on he was. I look back on my 20-something self and just laugh…that girl in J's favorite picture may have thought she knew it all, but she had no clue.

So even though I must admit it’s a little off-putting to have your 3 and 5 year old telling everyone in  Lion King 3D "Hey my Mom is 43 today!!" I guess it's okay. I’d rather be 33 with a little age on my face, than 23 and no clue who I was or where I was going. Now at 33, one small town Iowa boy and three beautiful children later, I have found the true serenity that comes when you finally find happiness.

So welcome 33…[yes Quad Cities, even though you may have heard otherwise its actually 33, not 43]…let’s have a great year.

Mandi

Big Day!!

As I sat down to write this last night, I started reminiscing about July 20th, 2006. (If you watch Phineas and Ferb, right now insert Dr. Doofenshmirtz saying “Flashback!”) It was a long night, as I knew that the next day I would give birth to my twin daughters, A & B. So many thoughts were running through my head that night:


• Would labor go “smoothly?”

• Would I be in a lot of pain?

• Would they be ok?

• How far apart would they be born?

• Would I be a good mom?

• Would I ever sleep again?

The next morning at 6:20 AM, they began inducing labor. Then came the “happy shot” to take away my pain. My hubby was in and out, pacing and nervous – not sure of what to do or how to help. Then my parents came from Illinois (funny story about timing and moving!). And throughout all of this, all I could think of was hoping that my girls would be ok.

At approximately noon, I was taken back to the delivery room. With twins, things are a little different, as you get a staff for each twin, plus nurses, doctors, and other assistants. All in all, 16 people were in my delivery room and my modesty was eliminated for life! My nurses were wonderful and at 12:29 PM, A was born. There was a moment of stress, as my hubby didn’t know what to do – should he go with his new daughter or help his wife with B? I quickly told him to go with A and 4 minutes later (it really seemed like 4 seconds) out came B.

Looking back, I realized I didn’t get the “typical” mom experience after giving birth. A & B were taken to the NICU and I was taken back to my room. I didn’t get the “here’s your new baby” placement in my arms and actually did not get to see my girls until about 5 hours later. But when I did see them, it was scary in that overwhelming feeling that I was now responsible for these 2 perfect angels. Also, they were so tiny (5 lbs. 4 ozs. and 4 lbs. 8 ozs.). Plus, they were in little incubators with IVs, little bandages and lamps for jaundice.

When I finally got to hold them that night, it was the most amazing moment. Just sitting there snuggling with these little angels in the quiet room with my hubby sitting near me, it was so peaceful and perfect. At that moment, no worries filled my mind and a huge smile crossed my mind and heart.

And in those past 5 years, my heart has continued to smile. While there have definitely been challenges along the way (can you say not sleeping through the night until 18 months!), my love for them continues to grow. And I can honestly tell you that I am the luckiest mom in the world.

Happy birthday to my beautiful girls A & B!! Now everyone needs to go have some cake!!

Jean Anne

Splish Splash

This weekend we celebrated KJ's fourth birthday.  It was an unprecedented celebration in that - in addition to being the first time Husband and I prepared for a party without getting into an argument - it was also KJ's first "friends"  birthday party. 
I never really thought we'd be entering the "friends" birthday party phase at age four.  With the exception of the first birthdays (for which I did have a party), I thought we were in the clear until at least five or six.  But once KJ entered preschool the birthday party invitations just kept coming.  And he had so much fun at them.  I had to let him have one of his own. 

But then I looked into how much birthday parties cost.  Boy, that was an eye opener.  The typical party KJ was attending cost parents over $300.   All of the parties were nice, don't get me wrong.  But $300 is a lot of money.  And really, was he going to remember his fourth birthday party? 

As it turns out, KJ was born just days after his best-friend-forever Gabi.  KJ and Gabi have been inseparable since they were four months old.  They started out in the same infant room, and before they could even crawl, they used to roll around the room to try to get near each other.  As they've grown, they've moved through toddlers, and twos and now preschool together.  They truly are the best of friends -- so much so that even the daycare coordinator has commented on the strength of their friendship.  And Gabi is a wonderful girl.  She's nice, well-mannered and just an all-around good kid.  KJ couldn't have picked a better friend. When Gabi's mom and I figured out their birthdays were so close, we just knew a joint party was the answer. 

And so it was.  We had the party at a splash pad, and invited most of their friends and their friend's families.  Since neither I nor Gabi's mom work with the other moms, it was great to meet the other families and really get to know the kids.  And our own kids had a blast.  They truly loved sharing their special day together.  And I loved getting to know the family of the girl that is so important to KJ.  Given that every single family stayed after we were kicked out of the party room, I know the party was a success.  But the most telling sign of success was the smile on KJ's face. 

Happy fourth birthday, KJ.  You are an amazing guy!

Karen



Born this Way

Five years ago today at 12:07 p.m. my life began.

Okay, not literally as I was born in September a lot more than 5 years ago, but still I truly believe my life started on July 11, 2006. On this day 5 short years ago, I became a Mom, and the world was made a little more fabulous and a little more pink by the arrival of one little girl, my daughter J.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. We checked into the hospital at 6:00 a.m. after I begged and pleaded the day before for someone to induce me. The Pitocin bag was hung, they were ready to induce, and then a problem. All the ultrasounds were showing that J was a very large baby (10 pounds plus) and she was stuck under my pelvis. Options were given and weighed and at around 11:00 a.m. they wheeled me off to a c-section.

The time in the operating room is still crystal clear as well. I can remember Todd walking in dressed in his surgical gear. I was terrified as I had no idea what a c-section entailed. Then I heard the doctor who was assisting say “Look at all that BLACK hair”. Todd and I both looked at each other strangely as I have blonde hair, Todd has brown and no one in our family has black. I then heard the precious cry, turned to Todd and said “Is she a girl?” (as we knew she was but I wanted to make sure). Todd cried and said “Yes, she’s a girl”. They cleaned her up and brought the 8 lb, 6 oz beautiful baby girl to me. Right there, my life began.

At that time, I had no idea who J “was”. For example, I didn’t know that I was holding Miss Fashion who still rolls her eyes at me when she sees that I dressed her in yellow and blue (to use up my gender neutral clothes) for the first few months of her life. And I still haven't told her that I didn't put her in a dress until she was over a year old (she'd kill me for that). I didn’t know as I painted her room purple that pink was her signature color. I knew I would love her, but I had no idea I was looking at my best friend. And boy oh boy I had no clue I was holding a little Diva! For example, I may have been stressed out about having to have a c-section, but if I know J she planned that on purpose because a smashed “birth canal head" would not look good in her first photo opportunity. Bottom line: I had no idea what I was getting into with this little girl.

But over the 5 years she has graced this world, I have gotten to see who J truly is. I now see the intelligent, articulate, artistic, kind girl she is. What I love now about 5 year old J, is that I can really start seeing who she will be as she grows. During her infant and toddler years, like most kids, J went through 1000 phases: The Elmo phase, The Dora the Explorer phase, the I won’t eat anything green stage, the fear of water stage, the Disney Princess stage, and our current stage: The Rockstar!  But as these 5 years have passed, J’s personality has really started to form. I started to notice that as each phase passed, parts of her personality remained in tact. The true J remained long after the baby toys were sold or put away.

And I LOVE her personality. Everyone can say they love their child, that’s a given, but I can truly say I “like” her. She has one of the most interesting personalities I have ever come across. She’s unique, fun, spirited, and a true original.

Now true she gets her dark hair from her Daddy and her green eyes from me, but over the years it became clear that J is not like Todd and I. She is a total girly girl, whereas I grew up a tom boy (with some hints of girlyness). Where does she get that? She is a total artist, who can draw better than me at age 32. Where did she get that? She is a scaredy cat, where most kids barrel down slides without fear, she sits back and thinks it through before gently sliding down. Where did she get that? She has a great sense of self-esteem, she knows what she is good at and isn’t afraid to show it. Oh how I wish I could be that way.


The great thing about J is that she walks to her beat of her own drum and no one, NO ONE, can change that beat. For example, Todd (who is a huge sports fan) couldn’t wait until one of his children were old enough to play sports. He put J in soccer but after about 3 games of her sitting on the sidelines crying “I just want to dance”, Todd laughed it off and realized he'd have to wait a few years to have an athlete. When she’s playing with other kids and says she likes something, if the other kid says “I don’t like that”, instead of switching to be like other kids, she says “Oh, I DO, I’m sorry you don’t”.

She’ll dance in the street when other kids are too shy, she’ll wear her wedge sandals to the park even if gym shoes are more suited for play just because they match her outfit. But even though she is girly, she is no wall flower. She stands up for what she thinks is right, and will meld her personality to fit in with situations or people she is with.

So over the years I stopped questioning the origins of her awesome personality. She is just J. Plain and simple. She doesn’t get her spirit from me, or her father. She, like her idol Lady Gaga, was simply “born this way”.

So happy birthday Miss J. I don’t think you will ever truly understand what effect you have had on my life. I credit you with starting my life, you made me a Mom, made me who I am today, and always save me from fashion disasters and bad hair days! I cannot wait to watch you grow. Rock on little Diva!

Mandi

YIKES!

Today, I turned 40.  Talk about a time for reflection. In the last ten years, for example, I have started law school, become a mom, completed law school, become an attorney, become a mom again, found a job that I adore and started the process of becoming a partner at my firm.  Not a bad showing, I'd say.

When I think back and wonder "what would have happened if...?" there really isn't a single big decision over the last ten years that I would change.  Which is funny, thinking about it, because seriously, who would have expected me to end up in a small town EVEN SMALLER than the one I grew up in?  Certainly no one who knew me before.  I was the girl who got on a plane three days after high school graduation and flew to California.  I was the girl who got the crazy idea to spend a full year in Japan during college, and who moved to St. Louis within a year of graduating from college!  How in the HECK did I end up here?!

Happy coincidence?  I really don't think so.  Looking back, I think in my heart I was always a small town girl.  I love it that my children can go play in the backyard and up the street without worrying about them.  I love it that my kids know every single other kid in their grade, not to mention those a year above and below them.  That when I walk in to the courthouse, people know each other and that my son calls the Sheriffs' deputies by their first names. 

Today is a great day.  It's been a great life... It's good to be 40.

Christine

What a Day!

Yes – today is my birthday AND A & B’s preschool graduation. Wow! And yes, since it is my birthday, it is no surprise that I am late in posting to the blog. Just ask my mother, I was born late (almost a month past my due date) and have been running late ever since.

Most days, I don’t think about how old I am, in fact, I don’t feel “old.” But, since people have been asking me, here’s some of the “life lessons/observations” I have to share:

1. My kids keep me young! I have energy to keep going from work to softball to Hy-Vee every day.

2. I am going from zits to wrinkles. On a positive note, I have learned that Retin-A helps with both.

3. I am finally understanding the difference between “want” and “need.”

4. I am starting to sound like my mom. And yes, it does make me pause.

5. Family is #1 and every day with them should be cherished.

Ok – enough of the sentimental rhetoric. I am not sure what 33 is supposed to “feel like.” Growing up, I remember looking forward to turning 16 and 21, but what now? Should I stop watching Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill? Do I now have to stop buying cute, but completely impractical, shoes? Will I start yelling at teenage drivers? Am I “old”?

While I have never had great self-confidence/self-esteem, I am coming to a place where I am “comfortable” being me. Maybe with age comes wisdom?

No matter how “old” I feel, I am going to be one proud mommy tonight!

Have a great day!

Jean Anne

It's My Party

This weekend we celebrated Sweet Pea's birthday.  I think that I've posted before about how I like to try to make a big deal out of my kids' birthdays.  It isn't so much because I think they need a party (and they certainly don't need any more toys).   I just feel like we should celebrate now, because there will be years and years of birthdays when they are in school or working or just generally doing something other than celebrating themselves.  So I try to capitalize on the now and take advantage of their love for all things that involve cake, presents and singing.  And we spend a day celebrating them. 

The only problem with my birthday celebrations is work.  When the kids' birthdays fall on a weekday, it gets terribly difficult to do the little things I want to do to make their day special.  We generally don't celebrate the kids' birthdays with parties (first birthdays a notable exception).  Again, I figure there will be plenty of time for that in the future.  Instead, we try to make the day special just around our own little house.  I decorate the house.  I buy the birthday boy or girl a special balloon.  I make a special breakfast.  I make whatever the birthday kid wants for dinner.  And, of course, we have cake.  But on weekdays this is almost impossible to do.  So we celebrate on the weekend. 

But I sort of hate celebrating on the weekend.  While it gives us a clear, full day to celebrate the birthday boy or girl, it feels like we're sort of cheating the actual day a bit.  Of course, on the actual birthday we bring treats to school, sing "happy birthday" and have a less labor intensive special dinner (hello Old McDonalds). But it isn't an entire day devoted to the birthday kid.  We still go to school or work.  We still do all of the things we would do on any other day of the year.  The day just doesn't capture the specialness that it should. 

I wish there was a clear way to show each of my kids how important their birthdays are to us.  How each year their one, special day brings back a flood of memories - of how much we longed for a baby, how I was so sure Sweet Pea would be a boy, how I felt the moment each of them was placed in my arms.  How I loved each of them long before they were born.  And how love was completely redefined the moment I held each of them.  But there's nothing I could do that would ever capture that.  Those memories are left for my heart. 

 But we do the best we can.  I know how lucky we are to get to celebrate another year with our birthday girl.  How blessed I am to have her to celebrate.  So while work might not allow me to capture all of the specialness of her birth on the actual day, I'll continue to celebrate her on the weekend.  And from the looks of Sweet Pea's post-party crash, we did a pretty good job of that this weekend:

Let's just hope this picture isn't a preview of Sweet Pea's college years. 

Happy second birthday Sweet Pea!  We love you!

Karen

Celebrate

Yesterday I turned 31. As anyone reading this blog is sure to know, birthdays as an adult are just not the same as birthdays when you were a kid. Sure, adult birthdays are still great. They are a day when the people closest to you extend you well-wishes, reminding you of how blessed you are. They are a day for reflecting on who you’ve become and all that you’ve accomplished. And, if you are anything like me, birthdays are a day where for an entire 24 hours you can shirk your household duties and take a nap while your husband washes the dishes.

While all of these things are great, adult birthdays just do not compare to that magical, anything-can-happen feeling birthdays had as a kid. Until, of course, you have kids of your own.

Once you have kids of your own, birthdays take on a renewed importance. All of a sudden, birthday means more than dinner out at a nice restaurant. There must be presents. And cake. With candles. Balloons. “Lots of peoples” (as KJ puts it). In short, birthdays all of a sudden revert back to being a celebration.

And now that I think about it, that’s really a nice thing. I’m not the type of person who typically makes a big deal about my birthday. While I don’t sweat getting older, I don’t embrace the limelight either. I’m just as happy with a homemade dinner and a card from my kids as I could ever be with a surprise shindig in my honor. But keeping things low-key doesn’t mean doesn’t mean not celebrating.

After becoming a mom, I realized that birthday celebrations are not all about the birthday kid at all. As a mom, my kid’s birthday meant celebrating another year of joy for me. It meant immense pride in who my kid was as a person, and the role I played in helping him (or her) become that person. It meant remembering how much we longed for a baby and the heartbreak of repeated disappointment. For one child, the birthday means celebrating the realization of a dream. For another child, it means celebrating the blessing we didn’t expect.

And this celebration of other people’s birthdays isn’t just limited to moms celebrating the birth of their kids.  The birthday of a friend or family member is an opportunity to celebrate that person and their contributions to our life. To celebrate who they are, and who we are because of them. These are celebrations that don’t become any less important simply because we get older.

Thankfully, I have KJ and Sweet Pea to remind of that.  They will ensure that every year I celebrate my friends and family and their amazing contributions to my life.  And they'll make sure I'll do it right - with cake. 
And that’s something worth looking forward to each year!

Karen