Monday, December 20, 2010

Nice Mommy Vs. Mean Mommy

B commented this weekend that she wanted me to be “Nice Mommy.” I asked her what she meant by “Nice Mommy” and her response was “you don’t yell or get mad at me.” This was of course, after I had yelled at her to get her coat on so we could go to lunch. For full disclosure, the yelling came after 3 times of politely asking her to put on her coat, with no response from B.

Lately, it seems as if I am becoming more of “Mean Mommy.” I don’t know if it is the stress of the holiday season or realizing that my girls should know better, but I am less and less patience with my 4 ½ year olds. Or…my hubby thinks I am finally starting to not let the kids walk all over me.

Yes, I am guilty of being the “Nice Mommy” and giving out excuses every time my kids did something wrong. If they needed a blanket, I would go get it for them instead of making them get it themselves. If they threw a fit at bedtime, it was because I had kept them up too long and they were over tired. If they didn’t try a new food, it was because I am a picky eater. The excuses go on and on…Additionally, I often feel guilty that I don’t get to spend a lot of time with them because of work, so any time I do spend with them, I want to be happy. I don’t want to be mean – especially if we only get to hang out at night for a few hours.

But after the girls’ teachers told me I was raising drama queens, I knew something had to be done. So no more letting A & B tearing up the house or talking back (yes, this has already started). I guess “Mean Mommy” needs to be more assertive. And I don’t mean corporal punishments or boarding school, but I don’t think cleaning up after themselves or answering questions when asked are terrible tasks. Even if it means no more “Nice Mommy.”

Is anyone else in the same situation as me? Any suggestions?

Jean Anne

By the way (or BTW if I were texting this), I really like being “Nice Mommy.”


  1. Jean,
    Know that you are not alone. I think anyone that has kids has been through the same thing :) I don't have the answer...wish I did! I couldn't believe that Freddie actually put his plate in the dishwasher the other night without me asking him to! I guess I always try to praise him when he does something good, and try to be stern but patient when he is being "difficult." Usually threatening a timeout or ignoring the "fit" works...but he's only 3 :) I'm curious to see what other people say. Good luck :)

  2. You are definitely not kids do this to me all the time. I feel your pain. I always tell myself that I have to be the "mean Mommy" every now and then so they don't grow up crazy. But there is nothing worse than "Mean Mommy". In fact, my son told me twice this weekend that I was "not his best friend"...and I know I know, he's 3 but why did that bother me? Hang in there!

  3. Honey this is the story of my life. When I'm being the "Nice Mommy" its often for my benefit, its easier to do something myself than wait for one of my kids. But adding in the "Mean Mommy" is good for them. Keep doing what you're doing it makes them disiplined!