Well, we are back from our family vacation, and while I should be posting all the pictures and gushing over the wonderful tie we had, I can't - or at least I don't feel like it. Since the last day of our cruise (a week and a half ago) I have felt terrible. First, I contracted a nor-virus, then, as I have self-diagnosed, Mal de Debarquement syndrome. Apparently, women of a certain age are more prone to this condition and as any who knows me knows - if there's an "old lady" medical issue out there, I'll get it.
Mal de Debarquement is basically a failure of the brain/body to readjust to being on land after a prolonged period of being at sea. What that means is that I always feel like I'm moving, as my body still thinks it has to adjust for the roll and waves of the ocean. Know that feeling you get when you are a little too drunk? That condition that the "walk and turn" field sobriety test is designed to catch? That's the feeling I have all day, everyday since I got back. It's exhausting and as far as I can tell, will be with me indefinitely.
Once I realized that this is not something that will go away or that I can MAKE go away, I decided to just embrace it - don't fight it, enjoy feeling drunk...being drunk is fun, right? Yeah, well, not so much when you are trying to be "normal" and concentrate on work either at home or at work. It's difficult to sit and focus on the computer screen and watching my fingers as I type is making me slightly nauseous. But really, what are my options? I can't stop working indefinitely, and the three days after coming back from the cruise I spent in bed were enough to make me want to anywhere but there. So, like so many other things that are out of my control, I have decided to just grin and bear it...and try not to look as if I really am drunk.
My kids don't get it...how could they? I wouldn't understand it if I wasn't going through it. So, they expect all things to be the same. I am trying very hard to keep things normal for them.
I am doing my best, but it is mentally exhausting having to consciously control even the smallest movement...kind of like having to force yourself to remember to breathe. Enough Boo Hooing.