Everything I know about being a lawyer...

Remember those cheesy posters that hung in every doctor’s office, waiting room, or teachers’ lounge… “Everything I know now I learned in Kindergarten”?? Sure you do. They were everywhere. And of course it didn’t take long for them to morph into such classics as “Everything I know now I learned from my Cat”.

As lawyers our children are often looked upon as liabilities. They hurt our ability to do our jobs…or so society says. If you have kids you can’t be a good lawyer. 

Well, I must respectfully disagree with society. I believe I am a better lawyer because I am a Mom. My children have taught me more about being a good lawyer than any of my professors in law school.

So, if I was to write a cheesy poster…mine would read:

Everything I know about being a good lawyer, I learned from my kids…

Short and sweet is always best. As a Mom I don’t have 30 minutes to explain to my three year old why we don’t put playing cards in the DVD player. The lawyer in me wants to delve into a lengthy discourse explaining why we do not do this. But my Mom side knows better…it knows that I have exactly 3.2 seconds to get my point across before my three year old loses interest. So I always put my best arguments first and keep it short and sweet. I treat my juries the same way…instead of taking 10 minutes to explain why my client should win, I remember my kids’ attention span and go short and sweet. And yes, I have found that most average citizens sitting on a jury (and judges) share the same attention span as my 3 year old.

Repeat Yourself…a lot. The great Bill Cosby said this the best in his old comedy routines. Children don’t hear something that you just say once. A child does not hear “Come here”…so you have to say “Come here, come here, come here, here, here, here!” I think because I do this on a daily basis, it has carried over into my professional life. If I have a strong argument, I make sure that I repeat it throughout my trial or brief. I want to make sure when the jury is deliberating they remember “Timing isn’t everything” or whatever it is I am arguing. It works. I’ve even noticed in rulings on my motions, I’ll catch the judges stating my catchphrase throughout the ruling.

Don’t be the biter. Any daycare Mom knows that at daycare there are the biters and the kids that are bitten. Sure the biters may appear to have the upper hand, I mean they may get the toy after they bit the holder of the same…but look at what happens? It doesn’t take long for everyone to find out who the biter is, even though the accident report only says the child was bitten by a “friend”. So is it really worth it to be the biter? Definitely not. As an attorney your reputation is more important than your knowledge, I guarantee it.

Why do 5 things when you can do 10?  Because I am a Mom I multi-task with the best of them. I mean come on, while I’m writing this blog I have a load of laundry in, I’m doing prep work for dinner tomorrow, and I’m watching my favorite show in the background on my DVR. After I became a Mom I became much more productive with my time. As a lawyer I have similar time constraints…I may only have 5 minutes to come up with a response to a last minute argument raised by opposing counsel. Because I am a Mom, I guarantee you I can get more done in that time frame than other attorneys. I mean have they ever had to cook dinner while helping a 4 year old with homework, stopping a three year old from eating dog food, and feeding a baby?

Yes, the good guys do sometimes win. As a defense lawyer, I am very cynical. I always have the uphill battle, I mean I am the one representing the person who is being sued. So it automatically doesn’t look good for me based solely on my position after the “v.” in the caption. So, after years of doing this job, you start to think that the “good guys” never win. But all the countless fairytales I read to my daughter remind me each day that yes, the good guys do and should win. So it helps to keep my cyncism at bay.

If it smells like poop…it is poop. Yes, I’ve changed enough diapers in my day to know this fact. When I’m preparing for a trial or writing a brief, I’ll get a bad feeling in my gut about an argument…it just seems weak. Often attorneys have this feeling about arguments or theories, yet they don’t trust themselves and they go with it. You know what, they lose because their “poopy” argument clouded their great one. So if an argument smells like poop to me, its gone, everytime.

Appearing busy = an exceptional lawyer. If you try to schedule depositions or trials with me you will find it quite challenging. Yes, I have a lot of files, but I also have a lot of barriers to my calendar because of my kids. My assistant or myself will tell the person that I have a “commitment” whether personal or not. I can’t tell you the number of times opposing counsel have said to me in depositions… “Wow you are a hard woman to track down, you must be a great lawyer to carry that load”. So yeah after they say that I don’t mention that I had to reschedule our deposition because of my daughter’s dance pictures.

Storytelling is a lost art...find it. Being a Mom has taught me to never underestimate the power of storytelling. It’s not enough to tell a story…you have to be good at it. My kids would quickly lose interest if I read their bedtime stories in a monotone voice with no feeling. Same is true for a juror…if you can’t tell a good story and at least try and appear like the fantasically interesting Hollywood versions of attorneys they watch nightly on NBC, then you’ll lose their interest and often your case . Okay so no I don’t pull out my “Big bad wolf” voice during my closing arguments, but I can guarantee you I’m much more interesting to listen to in trial because I am constantly practicing my storytelling.

Make time for Manners. As a Mom I am constantly telling my kids, “say please”, “say excuse me”, and “always say thank you”. As adults we forget that. But Moms don’t forget it, because the moment we do we hear little voices piping up “Mom, you forgot to say PLEASE”. This constant attention to manners has paid off for me big time. A clerk at the Courthouse once told me that she was going to help me expedite a last minute "oh crap I forgot it" motion up to the judge because I was always so friendly and polite when I talked to her. See, like I tell my 4 year old…manners matter.

Learn to spot the Wolf. Every children’s story or movie always has the bad guy in disguise. “Grandmother what big EYES you have”. I have learned through my children how to spot the wolves of the world. I know what attorneys to trust and which ones to watch out for. I know what witnesses to dig deeper into. I have honed my judgment skills. Who knew Little Red Riding Hood would be so helpful?

Move on. Children don’t dwell. If they do something wrong, they apologize and then quickly move on. No harm, no foul. When I started my career everytime I made a mistake I would take it to heart. My children have taught me that mistakes happen…apologize for them and move on.

Don’t wait for the confession…it won’t come. Ever notice how when something breaks in the presence of two children, conveniently neither of them know what happened? I used to make the parenting mistake of waiting and waiting for the confession… “Okay, who did it?” I wasted so much time waiting for someone to confess. Then I realized that I didn’t need the confession, I could get the information I need by setting up a prima facie case of the crime… “Okay, so J did you use this beautiful purple paint in your picture today (in an excited tone)?” “Yes, Mommy I sure did”. “Oh I bet your brother didn’t even think to use that beautiful purple paint in his picture (in a “you are such a better artist than your brother” tone)”. “No, Mommy he didn’t even want to use purple”. And presto I found the culprit who decided our khaki walls would look better with big purple splashes of paint on them. I use the same principles in examining witnesses. I used to question witnesses over and over to get them to admit to something…and of course all this led to was “Asked and Answered” objections and no confessions. People don’t want to say they did something wrong…so set it up. I now build up the facts so that the jury can figure it out without seeing the writing (or Crayola Washable paint) on the wall.

Have fun. Children have fun in their lives. They truly enjoy their surroundings. Watching my kids has taught me to just have fun in my profession. I’m a better lawyer because I find the joy in litigating. If I really like a case, I find myself better at defending it. So I find the joy in my cases. Being a lawyer is fun…so enjoy it! I mean there aren’t many professions where you can yell at people to your heart's content and get paid for it, now are there?

So next time a young upstart associate tries to make you feel they are so much better than you because they are sans kids, or you feel like you are being Mommytracked, remember you gave birth to some of the greatest teachers of trial advocacy out there. So let them think that you learned all your excellent trial skills at Harvard or some fancy trial academy...you and your kids will know the secret.

Mandi

L's Case

In early 2009, I was assigned a new file from a partner at my firm. He came in with a couple pieces of paper and said “Here you go, a new construction case for you.” I glanced down at it. It seemed like a simple case, an apartment complex was built badly. A bunch of construction defects. We were retained to represent the concrete installer on the project. No problem, I’ve been there, I’ve done that. I had my assistant open the file and went on to address my other cases.

Little did I know when I was handing my assistant those papers what this seemingly simple case was about to do to my life. The case started as a simple state court case with about 8 parties. It soon EXPLODED into a federal litigation with 20 plus parties. When it started, I thought my client was just named because it had worked on the project…months later I found out we are a major player.

This case is by far the largest case of my career. Pretty much every large law firm in the state of Iowa is involved in this case. The federal judge mandated that we set aside 1 week every month, and 2 weeks every other month for depositions in this case. That is not an easy task when you have 100’s of other files waiting for your attention. Early on, I had to bring aboard another associate here to help me handle this case. With Todd’s schedule and the kids there was just no way I could saddle this load all by myself. But even with the excellent help, it’s a major load to haul!

I lovingly call this case “L’s case”. No, my nearly 6 month old son has nothing to do with the facts of this case and is not involved in anyway, but he has become sort of the mascot to this case. When I look at him I am reminded how long this case has consumed my life.

The case was assigned to me when L was just a twinkle in my eye. I was a few months away from being pregnant with him when the case hit my desk. This case has progressed through his creation and life and so when I think of this case I always think of him.

In September I found out I was pregnant with L. I can remember the depositions early on in my pregnancy when I would sit there and think “I wish they would hurry up” as my morning sickness was bad with L. I can remember the depositions later on in my pregnancy when a boring construction expert’s deposition would be interrupted by countless kicks from L. And I’ll never forget the depositions 1 week before L was born when I started feeling contractions and was sure L was going to be born in the Marriott conference room!

And while my pregnancy daily updates informed me that L was growing from a poppy seed, to a grape, kiwi, lemon, eggplant, and eventually a cantaloupe, L’s case was growing too. First it was one expandable file, then a drawer, then an entire file cabinet, until it finally had to be moved from my office and given its own home out by my assistant. The file became massive which thousands of blueprints, specifications, and photos.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, it even became a longstanding joke amongst the attorneys. One attorney started a game during one of the depositions to count how many times I left to go to the bathroom!! They would “take bets” as to the number early on in the day. And yes, because L was a big baby that always seemed to want to rest right on my bladder the person who picked 10 plus was usually right!

L was born and after I returned from my leave L’s case still continued. L is now about to turn 6 months old and when I look at him I am reminded how long and drawn out this case has been. L gives “age” to the case in a unique way.

This week I traveled to the mediation in L’s case. I was crossing fingers and toes that the case would get settled and I could start to get my life back. This case as you can imagine has been a main focus of my work life. L’s case has a lot of unique challenges ahead of me, challenges I have never had to face in my career to date. The largest challenge? The trial is scheduled for 4 weeks, 2 ½ hours away from my house. I can’t even imagine how I am going to try a month long trial and commute back and forth across state.

L’s case didn’t settle this week and the madness lives on. On one hand I am upset it didn’t settle because my life would be much easier with that case behind me. But, on the other hand, just as L is my baby, this case has also become my baby in many respects. Although I complain about it all the time, I will miss this case when it is wrapped up. This case has challenged me on all fronts of my career, it has taught me how to manage a huge file, and has me going toe to toe with several great attorneys in our state and across the midwest. Any litigator who is passionate about trial work would love this case…I’m one of those litigators.

L will be about a year old when his case is finally tried. From a twinkle in my eye to a 1 year old …its amazing the progression of a case when you look at it through the eyes of your child. And when L’s much older if he ever has self-doubts about something, I’ll remind him how good he really is. I mean come on, he’s tried a major federal construction litigation case with me before he was 1 year old!

Mandi