The Baby

“We need to talk to you about something”.

It’s a phrase that no parent wants to hear from a teacher or daycare provider. But a few weeks ago its exactly what I heard as I sat across the table from a young teacher in my son L’s class.

I braced myself and the attorney in me kicked already working on my rebuttal. Was he biting? Oh H can be rough with him maybe he’s being to rough? Oh he can throw tantrum if he doesn’t get his way…is he screaming? Great, he probably throws his food…but we’re working on that, he has a big brother and sister so he’s used to bigger kids… One by one the thoughts went through my mind and I prepared to defend my baby.

It didn’t make it any easier that I was sitting here regarding L. L is 18 months and is my baby. So I am naturally more protective of him. Plus, he is the sweetest most loving baby in the world so a complaint about him? No way. Not my L.

“He’s really quiet. He doesn’t talk much.”

Wait…what??? Really, that’s it? That’s the exact same news H’s teacher had praised him for about 20 minutes prior. The teacher explained that L didn’t talk as much as the other kids in his class. Wow, if only this girl knew the life L lived. He’s the baby behind two very loud kids. No one can get a word in edge wise with his brother and sister.

Of course being the baby of my family, I knew what the teacher was going to say next… “J and H always talked….he is much quieter than they ever were”. Ahh…the lovely comparisons that all babies of the family must endure. The teacher handed me a paper on working on talking and we left the center.

That conference was a little over a month ago. Since then I have of course had a hyper sensitivity to watching the words L says. It’s like someone that points out a bruise you didn’t know was on your arm…once they say it, you feel it the rest of the day. After the teacher mentioned L’s talking, I made it a point to see what words he does say.

This past month I have noticed a trend… although L is overall fairly quiet, he has figured out the words that he needs to get through his day. He has managed to assemble a “Last Child” Survival Dictionary…

1. “Mine” – the first truly important word that every baby of the family needs to know. This word is repeated at least 1000 times a day!

2. “Uh Oh” – Every little brother needs to know this one, especially when a hot wheel car is launched into a cup of chocolate milk.

3. “No” – Often used when his sister wants to rock him like a baby or dress him up.

4. “Bye Bye” – in this family we are always on the go, so it is no wonder this is his favorite word.

5. “Shoes” – See #1 above. We are always in hurry and in a mad dash to find shoes. The baby never wants to be left behind so he’s the first to look for them!

6. “Chips” – although this health conscious mother hates to admit it, chips are by far L’s favorite food.

7. “Juice” – A milk hater, he always makes sure to tell me to skip the milk and give him his beloved juice.

8. “Zoey” – (Our Dog). For man’s best friend is truly L’s best friend.

9. “Choo Choos” – his favorite toy.

10. “Kitties” – because the animal rights group need to schedule an intervention with L and his obsession with cat tail pulling.

11. “Mama/Dada”- to summon his personal bodyguards.

12. “Thank You” – Although he is a guy of few words – I am proud to say he always remembers to say this.

13. “Hug” – because this kid is a hugger, plain and simple!

14. “Wiggles” because if he has to watch Barbie one more time he may move.

15. “Cheese” – Because L has a camera in his face (thanks to his scrapbooking mother) more times than a Hollywood celebrity.

After about a month of paying extremely close attention to this, I backed off, and chilled out. He’s fine. Okay so he doesn’t talk as much as J did at that age. The first in the family gets tested on the same criteria as the baby even though their situations are completely different. Is that fair? L and I certainly don't think so.

At his 18 month check, I told our doctor about what the teacher had said. My doctor laughed and sighed “I hate those damn tests…he’s only 18 months old!!” She laughed. Then she turned to H and L who were playing on the floor of her office. L was playing happily with his train when his brother ripped the train out of his hand. “No! Mine! Choo Choo!!! Mine!!” L yelled and ripped the train right back. The forcefulness in his voice made his big brother back off. I gave my doctor the typical Mother of boys look of “I’m sorry…Ignore them, we’re working on it…”. But my doctor thought the battle over the choo choo was much more important than brotherly banter. She looked at me: “See, there’s your test. Did you see that?? Problem Communicating?? Umm…in the time he has sat here he just stood up to his 4 year old brother and got what he wanted, if that’s not excelling in communication I don’t know what is!"

So take some advice from a baby of the family...give us babies a little break! Being the caboose to a train is not as easy as it looks! :-) We'll get there, just give us some time!

Mandi

Baby Steps

L turns 10 months old this month. I can’t believe it, but it’s true.

I knew watching L grow up would be harder on me than the first two. I mean after all he’s my baby. For J, I knew when she was born that I would have more children, so watching her grow was exciting and new. For H, he was such a colicky baby I prayed every night he’d grow up fast! So I never had those feelings that most Moms have about feeling sad about new stages. I embraced the new and looked forward to each day.

But my feelings about watching L grow are different, simply because he’s the Caboose, my youngest child. Once he is done with the baby swing or car seat, instead of being stored in our basement it’s donated. When the buttons on his dinosaur jammies handed down to him from H won’t snap anymore, off they go to another owner.

Now I’m not stupid. I always knew that when I was done having babies I would be sad. I love babies, I love being pregnant (well except during the summer), I love being a Mom. In fact, when I tell someone that L is our last baby I am usually met with eye rolling and scuffs of “Oh, you’ll have more…it’s who you are”. Sure, I have always dreamed of a large family…but unfortunately I have to live in reality and in the real world three is the maximum we can do. It strictly came down to economics…daycare is overwhelmingly expensive and we could not afford 4 daycare bills. Raising children is expensive, college is expensive. So although Todd accepted this much easier than I did, we made the painful decision after L was born that he was it. Three was our magic number.

So far, I have been happy about our decision. I look at L and feel complete inside. His pregnancy and C-section were incredibly hard for me, so it does feel good to not have to go through that again. And L is the best baby to end a wonderful run with. So, I have actually been better than I thought watching L grow. When L outgrew the 0-6 months clothes, I happily packed them up and took them to Salvation Army, excited to have some extra storage room in my basement. When L finished baby food and turned to table food I was actually happy I didn’t have to look and smell Baby Squash and Peas. I have survived sitting up, rolling, and crawling with nothing but sheer happiness. I started to think… “Okay maybe this will be easier than I thought”…

That was until recently. Just as L turned 9 months he started to pull up to objects. After about 2 days of standing proud against objects he started to walk around objects with ease. Now it’s his favorite activity. He is the King of the Coffee Table and loves walking around his activity tables.

This past weekend I noticed that L started walking from object to object and often stands only with the support of one hand. Wow those changes mean he’s going to be letting go with both hands soon. As he smiled in self-pride at me while he was doing this and waited for me to cheer and clap like I always do…I was overwhelmed with sadness for the first time. Seeing him stand there, mere months away from walking was the first time it hit me that I was about to say goodbye to the baby stage forever. He was changing from a baby to a toddler before my eyes.

There will be no more pregnancy tests, no more first kicks, no more ultrasounds, no more newborn baby smell, no more first smiles, no more rocking forever in the rocking chair. I’m not ready to close this chapter of my life, no wait yes I am…I’m flip flopping everywhere these days.

And to make matters worse, L’s baby stages have gone so much faster for me than for my other two kids. I feel I’m missing things merely from the fact that I am pulled in 1000 different directions. It used to seem to take J and H months to master a trick…L masters it in mere days. The second you get used to him standing up, he’s moved on to walking around things; army crawling on Monday, crawling into the next room by Tuesday.

In just over 2 months I will be sitting at L’s First Birthday Party. I can’t believe that. I have always heard people warning to enjoy every minute because kids grow so fast…I really didn’t understand this until now. It’s so true.

I can’t stop L from growing up. So as he is learning to take his first baby steps…I’m going to take some too. That’s the only way I’m going to get through closing this chapter and moving on to the next…Baby steps. I’m sure as we take these steps together L will need to hold my hand for support. Little will he know I'll be one holding on for dear life.

Mandi

The First Cold

It was 12:30 p.m.. I was sitting in a mediation in Burlington working on settling a large workers compensation case. I saw the light of my Blackberry flashing at me. It was a message from my husband, a message I knew would be coming sooner or later…

“L is sick, he looks terrible”.

Okay, so I probably gave you all that build up and now you are thinking…so your son was sick, so what? Is this really all you have to blog about today?? Well, this wasn’t just any cold that had struck my little 6 month old, it was his FIRST.

L’s first cold had me feeling so many emotions. First of course, I pictured my little baby having to deal with the same cold I had been struggling with earlier in the week (and he couldn’t pop a pill to make it go away). But, L’s first cold was a cruel reminder that winter was finally here. I hate winter. Winter to me equals the time when daycare turns from a place of fun and education to a place of germs, colds, and hand sanitizer. The time when every day you dread walking into the daycare door because you don’t want to see the postings of what disease has hit the center. 4 years ago, I didn’t even know that humans could get Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease. Now? Well apparently not only can they get it…but they get it often.

Now L is not your typical daycare kid. I mean not sick until 6 months old? That has to be a record. For J and H, they were sick within days of starting daycare. L, through every sniffle and cough his fellow classmates had, stayed healthy. But now his luck had run out.

So there I was sitting in a mediation, knowing that I could not get home to comfort L. I hated that feeling. I’m always the one that is there when my kids are sick. But this time, I couldn’t be there. Now luckily L was at home when this hit, and so my husband was there, but I wanted to be there. Come on, everyone knows a mother’s love is the only cure for a baby’s cold, right?

The fact I wasn’t there that afternoon stacked on top of my already growing mountain of guilt surrounding L. Guilt that I don’t have nearly as much of for my two older children. I feel sorry for L a lot of the time, because he came into my life during a time when my life was the most chaotic. I mean J had it easy…I was able to spend all my time with her because she was my first baby. H had it easy too because he always got my attention because he was colicky. No one wanted to be around a screaming baby, so everyone took care of J, and gave me H (hence the reason I always say H taught me patience). But L…my baby… has to deal with a Mommy that is being pulled in so many different directions.

Everyone comments how L is such a great baby. He is. I don’t just say this because he is my son, but he is the greatest baby I have ever known. He never cries, he never whines, he smiles at everyone. Easy going, happy, pleasant, and absolutely adorable. And the “cherry on top”: He has slept through the night since he was 2 months old.

But, I believe there is a reason for this perfect personality. It stems from the fact that L has no choice but to be patient because he has to wait ALL THE TIME. I just sit down to feed him a bottle and CRASH, someone gets hurt and I have to put the bottle down. I lay him down to change his diaper and there is a major brother sister battle in the next room I have to break up. While L plays on the floor, I can’t play with him because I have to scan the floor to make sure to clean up all the Barbie shoes and Polly Pocket accessories nearby. I’m pretty sure L’s first words will be “I’ll be right there” because its feels like that’s all I say!

I know my guilt also has to deal with the fact that L is my last baby. So everything he does for the first time is the last time I am going to experience that. So I don’t want to miss anything. I treasure every little moment with him. So I absolutely hate that L gets one song sung to him at bedtime when his brother and sister basically got my whole song book (but then again he doesn’t have to hear me sing dozens of broadway classics so this might actually be a good thing). I absolutely hate that L gets to sit with my husband when we go somewhere because he won’t fuss and the other two would drive my husband crazy with their toddler ways if I let him deal with them. So the norm is I handle J and H, and Todd “handles” L. The easy one always goes to the Dad of course.

I finished the mediation and rushed home to L. I put down my bag and instantly swooped in to “rescue” my little boy. He looked horrible so I called the pediatrician and off we went to sit for an hour waiting for the doctor (yes even the doctor makes poor L wait). An hour wait, just to tell me he just a cold and pink eye and so besides the drops for his eyes there was nothing he could do for him.

But I didn’t mind the wait. That hour in the doctor’s office was priceless to me. Sure, L looked like the death, but I think we both knew that this was pretty much our only time we were actually going to be alone together. And so there, I got the one on one time with L that I love more than anything. There we were sitting in the doctor’s office…no distractions, no J and H screaming for me. Just us. My heart felt so much joy just to be with him all alone. So between wipes of his runny nose, I held him close, sang him songs (he does like broadway by the way), played pat-a-cake, and explored what “treasures” Mommy had in her purse.

So buckle up working Mommies…we are entering winter. Time for frequent sick days, doctor visits, and googling the name of the recent disease listed on the daycare board to make sure it isn’t “life threatening”. Let’s just hope my life calms down a bit this winter so I don’t have to wait for another cold to get special time with my little man.

Mandi